And the Winners is... MMM Awards 2013 Winners

Welcome, Whores of Salem, to the First Annual Montana Mancave Massacre Excellence in Horror Awards!

I know all 22 of my readers have been waiting, huddled 'round their monitors for the suspense to be over. Fear not Cavecrawlers! The winners of the first annual MMMies are assembled below and just a'waitin' to receive their prizes. What prizes, you may ask? Each winner will receive, upon written request, a framed printout (from my very own shitty Kodak printer) of the MMMie statuette pictured above. But wait, that's not all. Additionally, each winner will also receive a no-expenses-paid trip to Helena, MT, where they can spend a magical evening watching a hand-picked selection of horror films with yours truly, in the legendary Mancave. That's right, imagine, if you will, the glamour of sitting on my paint-stained hand-me-down sofa and swilling micros from the Blackfoot River Brewery straight from the growler while screening Dawn of the Mummy on my 24-inch VHS/DVD combo TV. I can feel your genitals tingling just thinking about it. So without further to-do... The Winners!

 

The Best Actress Winner is...

 

 

Meg Foster for The Lords of Salem

Go ahead, call it a comeback. I was just too jazzed about Meg Foster's triumphant return to the silver screen that I couldn't help but give her the prize. She owns Lords of Salem. While on set, she had a daily habit of putting Rob Zombie into a headlock and demanding, "Who owns Lords of Salem?" When Rob would concede with a whimpered, "You do," she would only squeeze harder and say, "I do what?" Not until he answered with the appropriate, "You own Lords of Salem Ms. Foster," could that day's shooting begin. But don't feel sorry for the distinguished Mr. Zombie. He loved every minute of it.

The Best Novelization Winner is...

 

 

The Lords of Salem by Rob Zombie and B.K. Evenson

Another reason not to feel sorry for the distinguished Mr. Zombie. He's been awarded an MMMie in a category that wasn't even announced. There was literally no competition in this category, because while there were some novels adapted for the screen this year, I'm pretty sure this was the only honest-to-gods novelization of a horror movie in 2013. It's a pretty fun read too. It was written by Brian Evenson based on Rob Zombie's original screenplay, meaning that it is Zombie's vision for the film before budget constraints and other realities of filmmaking came into play. There are a few scenes I really wish would have made it into the film.  For instance, when they first play the Lords record over the air, their phones start ringing off the hook with women begging for them to play it again, and men who violently hate the song. After each time they play it, a woman in Salem murders her husband or boyfriend in grisly, ritualistic fashion. But for every scene I wished had made it were about 3 things I'm glad he changed in the film. So, if you're obsessed with Lords of Salem like I am, pick this one up for sure.

The Best Actor Winner is...

 

 

Toby Jones for Berberian Sound Studio

 

When I first conceived these awards, I was convinced that Best Actor was going to A.J. Bowen for You're Next! Bowen is awesome in everything, and the subtle choices he makes in it add up to perfect, especially on the second viewing. But the more I thought about it, I became convinced that no other horror movie this year was as completely dependent on its lead's performance than Berberian Sound Studio. And honestly, I was a little disappointed with the film. But I was absolutely impressed with Mr. Jones, who finally gets to be the star of a movie after a career's worth of fantastic character acting.

The Year's Most Pleasant Surprise was...

 

 

Would You Rather?

 

I wasn't expecting much from this one. I love Jeffrey Combs, but his presence doesn't guarantee a movie won't suck. Other than him, the big names were Sasha Grey, who you might know from porn, and Britanny Snow, who starred in the infuriatingly bad Prom Night remake. Well, Ms. Snow completely redeems herself here, turning in a convincing and powerful performance. While there's darker places a movie with this premise could have gone, there was some pretty shocking violence and a banquet full of tension. This one came out under the IFC Midnight imprint, which should have been a tip-off that

The Best Screenplay Winner is...

 

Don Coscarelli for John Dies at the End

There was some stiff competition in this category, but Coscarelli gets the MMMie simply for writing the coolest dialogue since Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas. While Simon Barrett and the Brothers Hayes get major points for their mastery of structure, John Dies at the End is a labyrinth of weird. Around every corner is a scene even stranger, funnier, and more imaginative than the last. And yes, David Wong gets major credit for penning the source material, but Coscarelli took that divine madness and turned it into a funhouse of a movie every bit as addictive as Soy Sauce.

 

The Year's Biggest Disappointment was...

 

Pretty much my expression during the whole movie.

 

The Last Exorcism Part II

 

Now I love a good slow-burn horror movie, but this one was more of a no-burn. And I'll admit I didn't make it to the end. The Last Exorcism Part 2 bears the distinction of being the only film that's ever made me walk out of the theater. So, I guess there's a chance it got really good in the last 15 minutes, but I can't imagine sitting through the first dismal 75 again just to get there.

The Best Director Winner is...

 

James Wan for The Conjuring

I'm just uber-impressed with how far James Wan has come as a filmmaker, and since this may be the last opportunity I'll have to give him an MMMie, I took it. Who knows, he might delve back into horror again someday, but I expect it will be a good long while. Cheers, Mr. Wan, I'm looking forward to subjecting you to Shriek of the Mutilated when you finally make it 'round to the old mancave to collect on your prize.

Special Achievement in Gore Award goes to...

 

 

 

If a picture's worth a thousand words, an animated gif is worth, like... more.

Evil Dead

 

While it didn't make the cut for my top 5 best horror films, I really enjoyed Fede Alvarez's gruesome remake of Evil Dead. I suppose the film was just too light on character to push it to the top of my list, but the special effects kicked every other film's proverbial ass. This one's really fun, and I'm glad most of the initial naysayers came around.


But now, it's the moment a couple of you might have been waiting for...

And Winner of the First Annual MMM Excellence in Horror Award for Best Picture is...

 

You're Next!

I've been firmly aboard the Adam Wingard bandwagon since I saw A Horrible Way to Die, and many of the same things I love about that film are the very reasons I'm so enamored of this one. The characters and dialogue are very natural, very believable. While I don't always like them, I always relate at some level, or at least recognize them in people I know (okay, except for the psychos). I think the newly-dubbed mumblegore subgenre does everything that found footage movies are trying and mostly failing to do: adding that level of realism that makes the film all the more frightening. At times, particularly during the dinner scene, if feels like it could be a documentary of a real family, and it does it without having to explain why one of the characters never puts the camera down. Khalfoun's Maniac also achieves this, and is certainly more disturbing than You're Next! In fact, it was originally going to win the Best Picture MMMie, but after rewatching them both, You're Next! had the edge. Maniac is a great horror film that's easier to appreciate than to love, but You're Next! is a perfumed love letter sealed with a big, wet smootch to horror nerds everywhere.


Bonus List: Top 5 Kills of 2013 
As the credits roll on the first annual MMMies, here's a list I wrote that originally appeared on the If We Made It Podcast. It's way better when you hear those guys read it aloud, but in case you prefer the written word, here 'tis:

Marvin the Macabre’s Top Five Movie Kills of 2013:

#5 – The Blender Kill from You’re Next

So, You’re Next is going balls-out, blowing everyone’s tiny minds with homicide after brutal homicide, and the next thing you know, it turns full-on ridiculous when Australia's sweetheart Sharni Vinson jams a broken blender into a dude’s skull and plugs it in. Now, I know the homeowner is a former defense contractor and can probably afford a top of the line blender, but the human skull is somewhat thick. I’m calling bullshit.

So why does it make my top kills list?  Because it’s the set-up to the year’s second greatest line of dialogue:

A.J. Bowen: “Where’s Felix?”

Sharni Vinson: “I stuck a blender in his head and killed him.”

It doesn’t look like much on paper, but it’s all in the delivery. (The year’s best line, by the way, is “That door cannot be opened!” Again, it doesn’t really work out of context.)

#4 – X is for XXL from The ABCs of Death

The ABCs of Death is a wildly uneven compilation of shorts that range from dumb to boring to hilarious to truly disturbing. The cumulative effect of 26 batshit horror stories delivered rapid-fire was to make me honest-to-god sick to my stomach. A lot of that had to do with Xavier Gens’s third-to-last segment, X is for XXL. In it, an obese girl who gets picked on for her weight takes matters into her own hands by carving herself into her ideal shape. It takes some effort not to gag during this one.

#3 – Opening Kill from The Thompsons

So there’s this couple about to get it on in the woods, then they stop because they see someone watching them. Then they start hearing these weird sing-songy chants coming from different directions. They decide to get the fuck out of there, but too late--they're already being chased by two masked men. The masks turn out to be severed human faces. When the murderers catch up to the couple, they force them to continue the show, making them strip down and have sex in front of them. Then, mid-coitus, one of the psychos starts stabbing the dude in the face. Blood pours out onto the screaming girl as her boyfriend’s face is removed. It’s times like these I really have trouble justifying my taste in movies.

#2 – RedLucie86 from Maniac

It was difficult choosing just one kill from the incredibly violent, incredibly awesome Maniac. But RedLucie’s death really packs a punch because as an audience, we experience the whole thing, from the intial online chat to the date, followed by the seduction and finally the murder, through the eyes of her killer. I don’t know about you, but I was charmed by her during the date, and I was seduced by her afterward. And there’s no surprise that she’s going to die—we knew that from the beginning. There’s just this growing dread as the date goes on, and the more we start to like Lucie, the greater the dread becomes.

The murder itself is a simple strangling, but the pain on Lucie’s face is almost unbearable. And to top the whole thing off, we are treated to a graphic scalping that I’m not sure I’ve ever managed to get through without looking away. That’s right, for a hardcore horror geek, I’m kinda squeamish.

#1 – Jane Levy Chainsaws her Deadite Doppelganger in Evil Dead

For pure, unadulterated, gleefully-rendered gore, 2013 saw no film that came close to Fede Alvarez’s Evil Dead. This one turned the violence and viscera up to 11 within the first half hour, so how do you top that? With a climax that literally rains blood and features the most over-the-top kill in recent memory. Our heroine faces off with the deadite version of herself, and chainsaws her in half from the guts straight through to the top of her head. The cherry on top comes when we see the vanquished deadite on the ground, splayed out in two halves with her eyes still twitching. Just magnificent.

Honorable Mention: Marconi Meets the Meat Monster from John Dies at the End

I couldn’t let this list go without paying respect to the badassness that is Clancy Brown as Marconi. He manages to make a demonic manifestation explode with a phone call, proving that Clancy Brown is God’s favorite human and reminding us that he will always be cooler than us, even when he’s just phoning it in.

The First Annual MMM Excellence in Horror Awards - Best Actress Category

Hey all,

Shit's a'brewing at the old mancave. This month will bring the resurrection of Films My Spouse Made Me Watch, the film blog I write with my wife. I'll also continue contributing to From Midnight With Love starring The Mike, and I contributed a list of 5 Best Kills of 2013 to the 2013 Liststravanganzatacular Episode of the If We Made It Podcast.

But most importantly, I'm returning to my abandoned post here at the mancave. 2013 was a draining, tumultuous year, and I rarely poked out my head here on the old blog. Here's to hoping 2014 be a better and more productive year.

In that spirit, I'd like to announce a celebration of the juicy year in horror that I almost entirely neglected to cover. I know most peope made their best of 2013 list back in November, but out here in BFE we must wait until the DVD release to see late-year films. And of course there are plenty I haven't seen yet, but fuck 'em. If they're so damned good, why didn't they make more of an effort to attract my attention? (Okay, I regret not having seen Here Comes the Devil, Stoker, and Byzantium.)

I'm gonna be rollng out the nominees here every couple of days, and since February is known across this great internet as Women in Horror Month, I will kick things off with a celebration of the asswhippin' performances the ladies gave to the world of horror in 2013. You know how the Oscars bumped the nominees for best picture up to 10? Well, I'm doing it with the Best Actress category instead. Best picture? As good a year as it was, I've only got 5. Actresses? My list overfloweth.

So here they are in alphabetical order:

1. Nora Arnezeder in Maniac

Maniac is a great horror film. Let's just get out of the way right now. There's no room for argument or nitpicking. It's just great. Accept that as fact and we'll get along just fine. Elijah Wood is damned good in it, but believe it or not, his casting was not nearly as important as the role of Anna. Anna is what gives the film its heart, and if the audience couldn't fall in love with this character, the film just plain wouldn't work. Fortunately, the filmmakers cast Nora Arnezeder, an actress it's impossible not to fall in love with. From her initial charm and excitement over Frank's mannequins to her grief over her agent's death to her absolute fear when she realizes she's in danger, Nora has to play the full range of emotions and does so effortlessly. She's what gives Maniac real emotional stakes which makes it so gut-wrenching to watch.

2. Jessica Chastain in Mama

So, Mama isn't a great horror film. It was a lot of fun, and I was endlessly amused at the pre-teen girls in front of me screaming like they'd never seen a horror movie before. I think one of them was actually crying in fear. And honestly, there were a couple of very scary sequences in there, but it wasn't enough to outweigh the film's many problems. The acting, however, is not among these problems. Jessica Chastain gives a restrained, nuanced performance as the punk rocker chick turned reluctant caretaker of her husband's troubled nieces. Honestly, she's just a great actress who will elevate any material you give her.

3. Meg Foster in The Lords of Salem

I was ridiculously excited when I heard this bit of casting news. Meg Foster had long since retired from movies, and I missed those haunting, ice blue eyes. Yeah, she's a huge 80s crush for me. But then I saw Lords of Salem and it was jarring. Meg spends a good portion of the film completely naked, and I was in no way turned on. In fact, as an immensely powerful witch, she uses her nudity as a weapon. Her emaciated frame repulses, while the confidence with which she carries herself while completely uncovered exudes menace. And holy shit can she sell the menace. The greatest thing about her performance in Lords of Salem is that she isn't holding back at all. Whereas some actresses would consider horror unworthy or lowbrow, you can see that she really respects the material, the director, and the audience. And you can tell she's having a hell of a time with each blasphemous line of Rob Zombie dialogue that she utters.

4. Judy Geeson, Dee Wallace, and Patricia Quinn in The Lords of Salem

While Lords of Salem might have 99 problems, a witch ain't one. In my original iteration of the Best Actress category, I had but 5 spots, and I gave them all to the women of Lords of Salem. However, I knew there were just too many great performances in 2013 to ignore the other ladies. So many other ladies, in fact, that I had to cheat and put these 3 actresses into the same nomination. It makes sense though, since they function as a unit and are rarely seen apart. Judy Geeson gets the juiciest role as the leader of the sisters. She comes off as this supremely confident, capable, older-but-still-lovely free spirit who is cooler at her age than you ever were. Then she's suddenly 100% pure grade A terrifying during her scene with Bruce Davidson when her demeanor turns on a dime. "Did I say something funny?" Patricia Quinn plays a great eccentric who, from the very beginning, seems dangerous and predatory. Then there's the perennial favorite Dee Wallace, who is hilarious as the bubbly Sonny, who practically skips around crooning about chocolate chip scones before she gets down to her true vocation of homicide. The scene where Whitey encounters the 3 sisters on the stairs is the dictionary definition of quietly terrifying.

5. Katherine Isabelle in American Mary

Excellent choice Soskas, excellent choice. Katherine Isabelle long since won the hearts of horror fans everywhere in her role as the lycanthropic Ginger in Ginger Snaps. I kind of thought she dropped off the face of the Earth after that, but a glimpse at her filmography shows that she's been working steadily ever since. But I was glad to see her return to horror, especially in a movie as hotly anticipated as American Mary. Just by virtue of being Katherine Isabelle, she's immediately likeable, and the nonjudgmental way she treats her clients makes her something of a saint. Just... don't cross her. She'll use her considerable surgical skills to put you in a great deal of pain. Both sides of her personality are underplayed perfectly. Whereas a lesser actress would ruin this role with histrionics, Isabelle keeps a cool distance between herself and her actions, which is perfectly fitting for the character.

6. Jane Levy in Evil Dead

Apparently Jane Levy was pretty well-known for being in some sort of TV show that I never saw. But I went into Evil Dead not knowing a thing about her. What I saw was an exceptionally cute, sweet girl who, when faced with heroin withdrawal, becomes a raw nerve, then a cursing screaming monster. And that's before the demonic possession. Ms. Levy plays a deadite gleefully, relishing every grotesquery that comes out of her mouth and luxuriating in some of the most disturbing self-mutilation scenes I've seen. She turns the intensity up to 11, just shy of going completely over the top, but never quite tips it in that direction. This girl's got the goods.

7. Lily Taylor in The Conjuring

Is a Lily Taylor performance ever anything short of flawless? (BTW, I no longer believe The Haunting remake actually happened. That was just a fever dream). Well, she does it again here, starting out as a somewhat meek, loving mother who ends up a terrorized victim of supernatural violence, then becomes a murderous, possessed creature. Purportedly a movie about the ghostbusting Warrens, The Conjuring is really Lily Taylor's movie. She's so relatable that you can't help but feel her terror, and then feel the terror of others as she transforms into a would-be child killer who can levitate while tied to a chair. And you get the sense that she's having a really good time doing it.

8. Juno Temple in Magic Magic

I didn't really know Juno Temple before I saw this movie, but you can count me as a fan now. She gives an incredibly realistic performance as a girl abroad who is having a mental breakdown in the worst possible circumstances. Her character, Alicia, just kind of lets things happen to her, never taking control when she needs to. She is meek and mousey most of the time, but as her mental state deteriorates, she gets more desperate and forceful. As an actress, Temple makes all the right choices, and really makes you care about this troubled girl.

9. Sharni Vinson in You're Next!

SPOILER ALERT: My favorite newcomer of the year is a final girl for the ages. Imagine if Nancy Thompson racked up a body count bigger than Freddy and you have You're Next's Erin. She begins the movie as an instantly likable, charming grad student who is visibly excited to be meeting her boyfriends parents. Because of her own weird upbringing, she sees Crispian's as the ideal family, overlooking the many signs at all is not well at home. When the home invasion starts, however, she shows her survivalist side, which is more than a little brutal. She never goes full-on antihero though; we're solidly rooting for her the whole time. I'd love to see a sequel with her character, provided it's nothing like its predecessor.

10. Sherri Moon Zombie in The Lords of Salem

Let's get one thing clear. All this SMZ hate has got to stop. Yes, you're right. She was annoying in House of 1,000 Corpses and The Devil's Rejects. But that was the character. Yes, she wasn't great in Halloween II, but it was a weird part and no one could have played it convincingly. But this is the 2nd rock-solid piece of evidence that homegirl can act. She was fantastic in Halloween, and she's even better here. The best thing about this performance is that it seems a lot like her real-life personality, and she's cool as they come. I'd totally hang out with her and so would you, admit it. That's key for a good horror protagonist, you have to get the audience to like you. They have to care, or they won't give a shit that you're being used as a vessel for the antichrist. I think SMZ plays the mental turmoil perfectly, and as someone going through considerable mental turmoil when I watched this, the performance really affected me. She truly made me feel what this character is going through, which is, after all, the point of acting. So forget what you know about Rob Zombie's muse, watch Lords of Salem with fresh eyes, and show the girl some love. 

So them's the noms. I'll be announcing the winners on Oscar night, because why would a horror fan possibly watch the Oscars, right?