European Horror Month Part 5: Lucio Fulci's Zombie

Episode 5: In which Marvin the Macabre finally fills a gaping hole in his horror viewership.

That's right folks, embarrassed as I am to admit it, I've never seen Fulci's legendary Zombie. What's worse, as far as I know, I've never seen a Lucio Fulci film. I aim to correct this tonight as I do a lo-fi version of live-blogging, one in which I blog as I watch (unfortunately I'm not tech savvy enough to let y'all read along in real time). I decided to do it this way because I realized I've only got three days left in September, and my total European Horror Month posts equal a pitiful foursome.

Let the games begin:

First thing's first: the title menu is rad!  Worms slithering from a badly decomposed zombie's eye-socket.

Next thing's next: had to turn on a light because I'm too lame to type in the dark.

I knew there were a lot of Italians in New York but damn, You'd think the police would at least speak English on duty. (Oops, I had the Italian dubbing on, my bad).

Some pretty inventive gore here. Can you imagine if the twisted mind of Fulci had gotten to works with some next-level FX wizards like Berger and Nicotero?

Wow, the sync is so bad they might as well be speaking Italian.

James the coroner's assistant should kick the coroner's patronizing ass.

(13:31) - Wow, they had techno in 1979?  It must have sounded space-age back then. Too bad they continued to rehash that same damned song for three more decades.

(17:00) - Pace is beginning to slow. Right now, the biggest threat is the reporter and daughter of the boat-owner being caught snooping around the crime scene after dark. Hopefully this will end in dismemberment.

(18:00) - A cunning ruse. Lots of couples break into boats being actively guarded as a crime scene by the police. There's no more convenient place to make out.

(26:00) - Note to Dr. Maynard's wife: If you're trying to get off an island while being dominated by your mad scientist husband, maybe you shouldn't threaten to tell the world his secrets. You can still blab once you get back to civilization, but while you're powerless, maybe use more guile. Just a thought.

(27:00) - First mention of "zombies." I'm glad this film incorporates voodoo, making the creatures proper zombies. Romero's version were "the living dead."  There are similarities, but despite popular usage of the term "zombie," they're not the same thing. Not that I'm really peeved about the broadened definition of "zombie"--it's just nice to see the original zombie myth now and again.

(34:00) - Not to sound like a pig or anything, but... SHARK and BOOBIES in the same shot!!!

(36:00) - OMG! Underwater Zombie vs. Underwater Boobies!

(37:00) - That zombie-playing dude is actually (mock-)biting that shark. This is truly impressive. I've heard about the famous shark vs. zombie sequence, and I'm digging it. It's not the most exciting piece of cinema ever, and these days they'd undoubtedly go with a CGI shark to enhance the action, but back in the day they didn't have a choice. While it kind of takes your mind out of the film and into the "making of" featurette, this is quite an accomplishment.

(40:00) - The treatment of the villagers (and any non-white, really) by whiteys in this movie is pretty atrocious. Look at the shame in this man's face as Dr. Maynard accuses him of being (rightfully) afraid. Then again, who turns out to be right? Can't say that Fulci's a racist just because his idiotic white characters are.

(46:00) - The infamous eyeball gouging scene. I was not disappointed. Although it doesn't look totally realistic, it doesn't diminish the horror of the scene (much). Who doesn't dread eyeball trauma? Not to mention that it was the best-looking girl in the film and the one I really wanted to see survive her captivity.

(1:02:00) - Zombanquet - The way this scene is edited, it gives the impression that they see Mrs. Maynard's body first, and don't notice the four zombies gnawing on it until a few seconds later. I know it's just to surprise the audience, but it makes the scene play kind of weird. Also, they're using real entrails, you can tell. My friend Shannon once chewed real deer entrails for a film. Don't think I could stomach it. Very revolting scene.

(1:02:33) - While shambling zombies can be just as scary as running zombies, they need to at least be shambling with purpose. Just look at these two shamefully lazy zombies. They're not even looking at the four juicy morsels before them. I don't know, maybe they're full.

(1:09:00) - The middle of a zombie attack is the perfect time to lay down in an old graveyard and start a little romancin'.  If either of these dipshits survive, I'm going to feel ripped off.

(1:10:38) - Now that's some whip-ass zombie make-up. Of course, the film suggests that this is supposed to be the 400-year-old remains of a conquistador, which I believe would be reduced to a skeleton by now. His clothes are still in pretty good shape too, considering he was buried directly in the ground rather than encased in a coffin. So, it took the worms 400 years to discover his eye socket? But who am I to argue with whip-ass zombie make-up?

(1:20:56) - I've got to wonder just how hard it would be to bite a big chunk out of someone. In zombie movies, the meat always just tears away like a piece of pork roast that's been slow-cooking in the crock pot overnight. This zombie just ripped out a piece of arm flesh like an inch deep, and I'm thinking it wouldn't be as easy as he made it look.  Kind of like how in most vampire films, the vampire apparently don't have rib cages, just loose flesh covering the heart that can be easily pierced with any convenient wooden implement, sharpened or not.

(1:23:00) - The world's shittiest Molotov cocktails. They make a big fireball, but then go out immediately.

(1:30:43) - Clever ending. Hopeless and wonderful.

Well that was a cool little zombie flick. The gore was well-done, the zombies looked great, I loved the island location, and it really had a Dawn of the Dead vibe to it. The acting was subpar pretty much all around, the characters had no depth whatsoever, and it wasn't the least bit scary, but as a showcase for bodily destruction and mayhem, it served its purpose admirably.

At this point, I'm kind of zombied-out. The market is saturated with zombie films of every budget, and it's hard to find a zombie film that has anything new to add. But I did enjoy this one quite a bit, even if I have seen it all before. There's just something about the tone and atmosphere of Zombie that makes it feel like one of the definitive zombie films, and I suppose it is.

P.S. - I'm going to try to get in one more post before European Horror Month is over. I really wanted to get more films watched, but my damned life got in the way. Stupid life. Doesn't it know that movies are better? 

European Horror Month Part 4: Frontiere(s)

Nazi Dinner Party

I'm getting jaded, I'll admit. When I first become a father, I laid off of horror movies for a long while-the better part of a decade, in fact. After years of worshipping Stephen King and Clive Barker, and witnessing all manner of deviant violence and terror, there was something about having a tiny life to protect that made screen violence too disturbing. Now that I often want to kill my children myself, with my bare hands, I've returned to horror in a big way. I've been thrilled with the direction horror has taken, and through a bunch of awesome horror bloggers, I have been introduced to the finest films the genre has to offer. Upon my initial return to horror, I watched so many great, genuinely scary movies that I kind of forgot that there are, and have always been, so many bad or just plain forgettable horror flicks out there. While I end up liking most of the horror movies I watch, it's becoming rare to find one that makes me so much as cringe.

Of course, all of this is to say that Xavier Gens's Frontiere(s) is something pretty special. This was my second viewing of the film, and I found that it didn't lose any of its potency the second time around. In fact, I liked it better and found myself cringing, shouting, groaning, and laughing in the face of extreme violence every couple of minutes. Despite the film's serious tone, it is a bloody good time.

 

 I should offer the disclaimer that Frontiere(s) isn't a particularly original film. Instead it wears its influences on its proverbial sleeve. You've got dashes of Hostel and The Descent sprinkled atop a huge platter of Texas Chainsaw Massacre. What makes this movie work is the way all the influences are synthesized into a cohesive and compelling whole.

The plot centers around 5 twenty-somethings from the Paris slums who take advantage of a riot sparked by the election of an extreme right government, pulling off some offscreen heist and fleeing town. As can be expected with any trip into the boonies, they encounter a family of weirdos who put them up for the night, then begin to kill them one by one. Pretty standard stuff, but standard stuff done extremely well.

Being hoodlums, most of the characters aren't immediately likable. There's Yasmine, who is the narrator and main character. She is 3 months pregnant with a baby she doesn't plan to keep. When we meet her, she is fleeing the crime scene with her brother, Sami, who has been shot and will die within the first ten minutes of the film. We sympathize with Yasmine because she's a pretty girl, she's pregnant, and she's just lost a brother. Other than that, we never learn much about her.


Another forced haircut. Must be a French thing.

 The other sympathetic character is Farid, a soft-spoken Muslim who plans to give up his life of crime and be a responsible adult for his mother's sake. He also refuses sex with local whores out of love for his girlfriend. He seems a little too nice to be caught up with this crew, but then, I can understand his wanting to rebel against society. He's lives in the slums and is Muslim, who are basically treated like shit in France (not claiming the U.S. is any better, BTW).  

Farid realizes he left his wallet in El Segundo.

The other two hoodlums are Alex and Tom. When we first meet Alex, he is stopped by a cop at gunpoint, but doesn't back down. He takes the cop's gun and beats him with it. He's a total badass, but you have to question his sanity, because you can tell he really wanted to kill that cop. He's also Yasmine's ex and the one who knocked her up. And while he's half-crazy and comes off as pretty heartless, he's a confident, take-charge kind of guy, and he's good-looking and charismatic guy, so you have to like him a little bit. By the end of the movie, he's actually pretty sympathetic.


Alex in Chains

Tom is a douche. No getting around it. But again, he's good-looking and charismatic so you end up liking him just a little bit, and may even feel a bit of sympathy when he's paralyzed with claustrophobia or being tortured by deranged remnant Nazis.


Tom Auditioning for The Descent 3

The thing about Frontiere(s) that makes me giggle with delight is its stomach-turning violence. While it might not be enough to impress the hardcore gore-hounds, it is certainly too much for the squeamish, and just about right for me. While you've got your Hostel-style Achilles tendon-cutting, you've also got stuff I haven't seen before, like a major character getting steamed to death. Anyone who's suffered a steam burn will squirm through this scene.

The steam room, but not the relaxing kind.

The other impressive accomplishment of the film is that in addition to being a showcase for gore, there is an emotional core to the film. Imagine if The Texas Chainsaw Massacre had a character who wasn't completely bat-shit insane on account of having been adopted. They have been raised in an insane environment and taken part in casual slaughter, but become aware that their actions are wrong when they identify with one of the potential victims. That is basically the character of Eva in Frontier(s).

God, my family is so embarrassing!

Beyond that, there is a complex relationship between Yasmine and Alex, and when the shit starts raining down from heaven, they discover their true feelings for one another. Yeah, it sounds cheesy, but it works in this film.

 Frontiere(s) is certainly the best film put out under the After Dark Horrorfest brand, and if I were writing my Top Ten Horror Movies of the Past Ten Years today, I'd probably bump something to make room.


Hey, I think I see what your foot is caught on.



European Horror Month Part 3 - Nosferatu: Phantom Der Nacht (1979)

...with these goddamned rat-teeth?

I've been wanting to rewatch this one for years. I first saw it back in High School when they had a special midnight showing during Halloween weekend at the old Babcock Theater. Anyone from Billings, Montana can tell you all about the Babcock's reputation for being haunted, which had everyone in a creepy mood long before frame one flickered. What I remember most vividly was the opening scene with the dessicated bodies of plague victims, particularly the children.


European horror and dead children go together like bullets and guns.

At the time, I had no real knowledge of film history, and very limited experience with foreign films. I remember being disappointed that the movie wasn't scarier. This time around, however, watching Klaus Kinski's Dracula eyeballing Harker like a thick, juicy porterhouse unnerved me in all the right ways. Kinski is the real reason to see this movie. It is well known that the man was genuinely unhinged, and you feel like he might do any manner of insane shit at any given moment. He does his best to live up to Max Shreck's immortal performance, but can we blame him if he falls slightly short? After all, Max Shreck could scare the crap out of you with his looks alone, while Kinski, being a good-looking man, had to rely only on the insanity pouring forth from his eyes.


Mein Gott, you look juicy!

The film moves at a languid pace, and features a never-ending walking sequence that puts The Two Towers to shame. When the villagers refused to take Harker to Dracula's castle in a carriage, I had to wonder whether that was an artistic choice, or the German Film Commission was leaning on Herzog to include as much landscape as possible in a bid to increase tourism. Joking aside, the endless walk to Dracula's castle does serve a purpose: to give the audience a sense for the remoteness of the castle and show just how far from civilization Harker must journey. This is Dracula's realm, and Harker will be wholly his prisoner. My main problem with the sequence wasn't it's length, but the music. Wagner is used extensively throughout the film, and it never seems appropriate. Rather than forboding, it comes off as triumphant and kills the mood. I'd gladly take a creepy synth score over this.

We get it Herzog; Germany's a beautiful country. Can we get back to the story now?

Similar to the misstep with the music, the film suffers from an inconsistent atmosphere. At times, the film is dark and creepy, with dank, decaying underground crypts and white nightgowns billowing in the moonlight. But at other times, the movie is just too bright. For example, take the interior of Dracula's castle:

Call me a slave to the Universal Monsters aesthetic, but doesn't this place seem a little too bright and cheerful to house the King of the Undead?

These stylistic missteps aside, I really like the twists Nosferatu: Phantom Der Nacht puts on the classic Dracula story. In this version, Dracula doesn't just come to town and decimate the population one throat at a time, he brings the plague with him. Some of the most haunting scenes from the film are the ones in which the villagers left alive throw a festival, choosing to party the rest of their lives away since hope has fled. And the shots of literally thousands of rats make my skin crawl, and I normally love the little buggers.




Fine dining amongst the plague rats.

 The film ends in a stereotypically depressing German fashion, the details of which I'll leave to you to discover. When the credits rolled, I wasn't precisely sure whether I'd enjoyed the film or not. It's a far cry from Hollywood's Dracula film from the same year (which I unreservedly love, warts and all). I'm sure there's much more meaning in Herzog's version, and I wish the copy I watched was my own, because I'm sure the film would improve upon repeat viewings. Regardless, the movie is an interesting viewing experience with lots of flaws, lots of unforgettable imagery, and a enough intense Klaus Kinski brooding to choke a coffin full of plague rats. Why not give it a try?

He was born to play this role. Why else would his mother have named him Klaws? Wa wah wah waaah...

European Horror Month Part 2: Calvaire (The Ordeal)

Let's go ahead and file Calvaire under "Not at all what I expected." This head-scratcher of a Belgian horror flick is one of those films you think about for a week and still don't know if you liked it.

The film gets off to a strange start. You get a really long take of the protagonist, Marc, sitting in front of a mirror, putting on stage make-up. The shot lasts unnecessarily long, but it serves the purpose of preparing the audience for a film chock-full of unnecessarily long takes. In fact, Calvaire is basically of horror flick with art film pacing, which sometimes works, but usually doesn't.

From there, things take a turn for the hilarious as we see the performance Marc has been preparing for. He sings love songs at nursing homes while wearing a shiny cape.

The performance is laugh-out-loud funny, especially the cheesy, electronic backing music. But the old folks love him. Literally. After the show, one of his octagenerian fams clumsily tries to seduce him backstage. Then when he's leaving for his next gig, the older lady who booked him at the nursing home comes onto him. At this point, I knew I was not in for the film I had been expecting--the one I had been putting off watching for the better part of a year because it looked so bleak and disturbing. It was starting to look like a low-budget rip-off of The Wedding Singer.  Little did I know the silliest was yet to come.

The next part of the film follows a boilerplate horror formula: Marc's van breaks down in the middle of nowhere, he encounters a strangely-behaving man who leads him to a nearby inn that has seen better days, and everyone gets their psycho on. The formula can be tired as hell, but here, the strength of the performances sell it and elevate it.

I suppose I'd better throw up a SPOILER ALERT for the rest of the discussion, although I'm not sure anyone would be surprised to learn that the Innkeeper, Bartel, is the film's resident psychotic. The great thing about Bartel as a villian is that he is such a vulnerable character. He has a fully-formed backstory, and as he relates stories from his past to Marc, and frequently breaks down in tears. His performance is pretty much the reason to watch the film. He's not only emotionally damaged, but he's witty and charming. You like him, but you don't trust him, and you can't wait to see what he does next.  Of course, what he does next is pretty damn twisted.

It seems old Bartel's wife done runn oft some years ago, and he's looking for a replacement. She used to be a singer, so our friend Marc is clearly a dead-ringer for her. Bartel torches his van, knocks him out with its battery, and proceeds to remake him in the image of his lost love.

Someday I'll compile a list of the top five haircuts in horror, but so far, I've only come up with Calvaire and Martyrs. It sounds dumb, in light of all the other atrocities in these films, but the haircut scenes always get to me. I guess it's the humiliation, the insult on top of injury, but they arouse more sympathy in me than any number of ankle-cutting scenes combined.

So Bartel puts a dress on Marc, gives him the worst haircut this side of Justin Bieber, and (we can assume) makes sweet, sweet anal-rape to him. While the film only hints at it, that's quite enough to turn your stomach.

So, now you expect that Calvaire will turn into a pretty straightforward survival-horror flick. What you don't expect is that all of Bartel's pig-raping neighbors were also in love with Bartel's wife, and pretty much take it for granted that Marc is, in fact, that wife. Hilarity ensues. It seems everyone is this movie wants to fuck the protagonist.

By far, the most bizarre scene in the movie, and one that serves no apparent purpose except to explicitly illustrate the freakishness of the townsfolk, is the bar dance scene. A couple of townies spot Bartel with his new wife, so Bartel takes his shotgun for a walk down to the tavern to lay down the law.  He tells all the men in town that they just want to be left alone, and anyone who messes with his recently returned wife will feel the wrath of the buckshot. So naturally, when he leaves, they take the opportunity to indulge in some avant-garde piano and to do the retarded zombie dance. If I knew how to extract and embed video, I'd show you, because it really must be seen to be believed.

So, yeah...

Calvaire alternated between silly and harrowing, despair and ridiculousness. In the special features, director Fabrice du Welz enumerates his many influences and the films he paid homage to in Calvaire. I think therein lies the source of the film's problems. He seems to have added touches that really had no place in this movie, rendering it disjointed and giving it a wildly uneven tone. There is much to admire in Calvaire, particularly the performances, but overall I'd have to chalk it up as a noble, though failed, experiment.

European Horror Month Part 1: SL8 N8 (or Slaughter Night)

I'm pretty sure that when Thomas Edison invented cinema, he had SL8 N8 in mind. And although he tried his damnedest, going so far as to electrocute an elephant on film, it would take more than a century of cinematic progress before SL8 N8 would be possible. This film has it all: child murder, "voodoo" rituals, ouija boards, tarot reading, an adandoned mine, demonic possession, and loads and loads of sweet, sweet murder.


Kristol - Impossibly Adorable


Hailing from the Netherlands/Belgium, SL8 N8 tells the story of an impossibly adorable Dutch girl (Kristol) and her college-age friends who journey to exotic Belgium to fetch her deceased father's final book manuscript, only to take an ill-fated tour through a mine that became the final resting place for notorius serial child-murderer, Andries Martiens. When the group inevitably gets trapped underground, they sensibly pop ecstacy tablets and use the ouija board that was among Kristel's father's possessions. The spirit of Martien (or the demonic forces loosed into the world by him, I was never quite sure) possesses the attractive twenty-somethings one-by-one, turning them into Evil Dead-style hellspawns who do cool stuff like decapitation and ripping apart people's limbs with their teeth.

The movie opens with a flashback in which we see, in graphic detail, the severed heads of six children impaled on pikes, with two living children tied to chairs, awaiting their inevitable slaughter. The first child has her head cut off and impaled while another does her best not to watch. And that's just the first three minutes.

From there we meet the main characters, a bunch of college kids at a rave. While some might accuse the characters of douchiness, I found them all relatable and fairly appealing. While there are definite hints of douchedom, they all seem like people you wouldn't mind hanging out with. However, when things start to go bad, all of that changes. The douches spray their douchedom hither and yon, while the more level-headed charcters remain level-headed. Just once I'd like to see the "slut" character turn out to be the one who takes charge and gets everyone one alive. But no such luck here.

Arfter fooling around with an ouija board and such, the kids start getting possessed and devouring each other, which is, of course, all great fun, and after awhile, the movie ends. Do you really need to know any more?

How many Dutch does it take to operate a ouija board?

In all seriousness, SL8 N8 is a pretty silly movie, but an infinitely enjoyable one. So if you're the type to go looking for plot holes and such, you're going to find SL8 N8 ripe for the picking. But if you're just out for a fun, scary time, you could do much worse. And last I checked, Slaughter Night was available via Netflix Streaming.

While the sheer fact of it being European lends it a sense of credibility, I see SL8 N8 as being on par with the Friday the 13th sequels (which is not a knock). It is fun,  it serves its purpose without demanding too much original thought, and it killed 90 or so minutes of my life (okay, 270 mintues, as I've watched it 3 times now). But enough about me. Has anyone else seen this? And did you have as much of a blast as I did?

Do You Feel It in thr Air? It's... It's...

HALLOWEEN SEASON!!!!!!!

That's right. Halloween is no longer just a holiday, but an entire holiday season. And I say if stores are already putting out their All Hallow's Eve paraphernalia, then I can start celebrating right now.

And what better way to celebrate than with a month-long blogfest? But I'm thinking that if I hit the Halloweeny movies too early, I might suffer a touch of burnout. That being the case, I'm going to take the lesson that the Top Ten of the Past Ten liststravaganza taught me to heart: European horror is where it's at.

So, I hereby declare that September 2011 is European Horror Month at Marvin's Mancave. I'm making it my goal to watch and blog about at least two European Horror Films per week. Not an insane goal, so I might even be able to stick with it. I'll be watching some new films and reviewing some old favorites. I'm also taking requests, so if you've got any suggestions, fling 'em my way.

I'm also taking that other lesson of the liststravaganza to heart: collaboration with other horror bloggers is where it's at. So here's the deal: if you've got any posts that you're particularly proud of that deal with European horror films, shoot me a link. I'll post it, tell you how cool you are (and mean it), and hopefully send some traffic your way. "But wait," you say, "I don't want to recycle an old post. I want to feel the warm glow of full participation in European Horror Month." Alternately, you might be saying, "Dude, I don't even have a blog." That's fine. Write something, send it my way, and I'll post it. Even if it sucks (but it won't, because my readers have highly refined taste and a razor-sharp wit). "But wait," you say, "I don't want to participate. In fact, I don't even read your blog." That's okay, most don't.

Anyhow, that's my latest gimmick. Let's see how it all plays out. 

P.S. - 50 Eurohorror Points if you can name the movie the picture comes from

Top Ten of the Past Ten: The Super-Nerdy Number-Crunching Wrap-up

Not only was the Top Ten Horror Films of the Past Ten Years Liststravanganza great fun, it was also a statistically unbiased, completely accurate survey that scientifically proves how awesome horror has been in the last decade. I've compiled the results into a fascinating fact sheet for your perusal:

Number of contributors: 18

Number of films chosen: 78

Number of films chosen that I haven't seen: 20

Most popular films:
[REC] - picked 10 times
The Descent - picked 10 times
Shaun of the Dead - picked 9 times
Let the Right One In - picked 8 times
The Mist - picked 6 times
28 Days Later - picked 6 times
Drag Me to Hell - picked 6 times
The Orphanage - picked 5 times
Martyrs - picked 5 times
Paranormal Activity - picked 4 times
Trick r' Treat - picked 4 times

So there they are, the official top, uh eleven, horror films of the last ten years. This is no longer a matter of opinion, but a scientific fact from which we can deduce the single best year in horror of the last decade. Any guesses? No, 2000 doesn't count. Because that was the previous decade. Yes it was. No, actually it wasn't the new millenium; that didn't officially start until 2001. Yeah-huh. Look, you're the only one who thinks 2000 should count, so be quiet and listen up. Sorry guys, there's always that one reader who just has to win every argument, you know.

Anyway, by one measure, you could say that 2007 and 2008 tied, but you'd be wrong. You see, while they tied for most films chosen from each year (12 each), this doesn't account for popularity. Instead it is necessary to weight the films by the number of times they were chosen. See the uber-geeky graph below to see the clear winner:

That's right, 2007. The year that brought us [REC], The Mist, The Orphanage, Inside, Hostel 2, Grindhouse, Funny Games, Trick r' Treat, and Paranormal Activity was King Shit here at the Triple M. 2007 movies were picked a grand total of 42 times, leaving the next highest year, 2008, in the dust with a mere 25 points.

You may also notice that of the top eleven films, seven of them were European. That's right. The 80's belonged to America, the 90's were dominated by Asia, and the last decade has been all about Europe. Who knows what the next decade will bring, but I'm thinking Canada needs to step up.  I'd provide more stats on country of origin, but it seems nearly everything these days is an international co-production. I will say that Asia's star has certainly fallen, with only 6 Asian films chosen.

As for directors, the one with the most films chosen was Alexandre Aja, with 3 films (High Tension, The Hills Have Eyes, and Pirhana). However, each of his films were only chosen by one person, meaning only 3 people chose an Aja film. Therefore, the most popular director goes to Neil Marshall, whose The Descent was chosen 10 times, and Dog Soldiers was picked by 3, for a grand total of lucky 13. Hot on his heels was Jaume Balaguero who picked up 10 points for [REC] (since he co-directed, do we have to cut this score in half), and one for Darkness. I should also note that only one female director was chosen, and she didn't even count because the film was from 2000 (Mary Herron, American Psycho). Shame on us, sexist pigs that we are.

So, of our contributors, whose tastes align the most closely with the official top eleven list? And whose picks were the most original? The contributor who chose the most films that no one else picked was none other than Mrs. Macabre herself, my wife Chelle, whose original choices were:

Darkness
Nightwatch
Vanishing on 7th Street
Van Helsing
Wind Chill

Every other contributor had at least one film choice that was unique to them. But I went a step further and calculated originality scores by assigning a value to each film coinciding with the number of times it was chosen. The more original the choices, the lower the score; the closer to the official top eleven, the higher the score. (Please note that those who submitted incomplete lists, namely my sisters, were not included in this tabulation) Here are the scores:

56 - James Van Fleet
53 - Vetch
51 - Marvin the Macabre
45 - Liam Underwood
44 - BROWN!
44 - Kweeny Todd
43 - Chuck
42 - Ashley
42 - Banned in Queensland
38 - Noel
37 - Andreas
37 - Chelle
36 - The Mike
35 - Tucker
32 - She-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named
29 - John Bem

I prefer to think that those of us near the top of the list aren't necessarily unoriginal, we simply have impeccable taste, right? Anyhow, those were all the pointless stats I could think to report. I don't know if they were interesting to anybody but me, but nerd that I am, I couldn't not plug the numbers into a spreadsheet and geek out over them.

Even though we're wrapping this list love-in, I encourage those who haven't contributed yet to do so. I'll post them all, and if there are enough, I may even re-crunchify the numbers and update the results.

But the fun's not over yet. I, Marvin the Macabre, vow to watch every movie that ya'll listed and that I haven't seen yet, and to blog about them all. Here are the 20 films I've missed out on:

Antichrist
Buried
Cache
Deadgirl
Funny Games
Oldboy
Primer
Pulse
Rammbock: Berlin Undead
Repo! The Genetic Opera
Seed of Chucky
Skeleton Key
Snakes on a Plane
Splice
Teeth
The Host
Vanishing on 7th Street
We Are What We Are
Wolf Creek
Zombie Strippers

I own copies of 8 of these films, so I'll probably start there. I have no firm time frame for this latest project, but my goal is to blog about them all by the end of the year.

One last order of business. As I mentioned in my previous post, I have made my singing/guitaring debut over at the If We Made It podcast. The song is a Marvin the Macabre original entitled "Days of the Dinosaurs." The song is at the tail-end of the podcast for The Other Sister, but you'll probably want to check out the whole podcast, in which Tucker and BROWN! rip The Other Sister a new one. They compare actors playing retarded people to white people acting in blackface (which would make The Other Sister a double-dose of Tardface). Here's the link: http://ifwemadeit.blogspot.com/2011/08/episode-10-other-sister.html

Thanks again to everyone who helped make the Liststravaganza a success. We'll have to do this again soon... stay tuned.

P.S. Here's a photo of Marvin the Spider Monkey to make your life worthwhile:

At Long Last, Marvin the Macabre's Top 10 of the Past 10

As we wrap up the Top Ten of the Past Ten Liststravanganza, I want to extend a heartfelt thanks to everyone who took the time to contribute a list. This sense of community is what got me into the whole horror blogging game, and you’ve all made it a blast.  Before a present my own list, however, there have been a few more guest entries to present.

First up, we’ve got Ashley at Pussy Goes Grrr. Here's the link:

http://mendthiscrack.wordpress.com/2011/08/18/the-past-decade-in-horror-part-2/

Fantastic list Ashley. It's good to see The Others represented. I was really impressed with that one and have often wondered why I don't hear more about it from horror bloggers. I also see you have an affinity for French horror. Virtual high five! Hell yeah. I enjoyed both Ils and Inside, although Frontier(s) ranks higher on my personal list (yet still didn't crack the top ten). The final shot of Grace just kills me. While I really enjoyed the film, I'm thinking you need to be female to have it really hit you at that gut level (strange that it was directed by a man). Anyway, great list, great taste, and great website. I'm so glad you participated, just so I could check out the cool shit going on at your site.

Nextly, we’ve got three tenths of a list from my big sis, who actually submitted a top ten, but didn’t quite grasp that it was restricted to the last decade. However, three of her picks do meet the criteria.  They are:

 The Strangers

The Descent

[REC]

If there’s one thing I learned from this project, it’s that horror fans are awesome. Oh wait, I already knew that.  It was that this past decade has been full of some of the best horror films ever. Wait, I already knew that too. Okay, try this: I learned that if you’re going to ask for guests to submit lists, you should really present yours first if you don’t want to look like an unoriginal D-bag (D is for doggy, btw. Get your head out the gutter.) In fact, only one film on my top ten wasn’t listed by one of you first. Since we all know the only reason to start a blog is to give people the illusion that your opinion somehow matters, originality counts for a lot. Having undermined this illusion, I’d better dispense with further ado and present the list we’ve all (by “we’ve all” I mean “I’ve”) been waiting for:

Marvin the Macabre’s Top Ten of the Past Ten:

#10 – Hostel Part 2

I put off seeing this one for a couple of years, because although I liked Hostel, I didn’t want to see more of the same. Oooh, it’s girls this time instead of guys; that’s supposed to make it original? Then I watched the documentary on American horror called Nightmares in Red, White, and Blue, which showed a clip of the bloodbath scene, but didn’t identify the movie. The imagery was so striking that I knew I had to see it, and searched for months for the twisted film the scene came from. To my mind, it is one of the most powerful kill scenes in horror, because while it’s horrific, it’s also disturbingly sexy. Watching it, I felt simultaneously turned on and disgusted that I was turned on. These conflicting emotions make for a very uncomfortable viewing experience, and one that haunted me long afterward. This scene alone qualifies Hostel 2 for my top ten, but there’s so much else going on.

I loved the focus on the clients and all the political implications of the cell phone bidding wars, as well as the role reversal of the two American killers. I also love the manner in which the final girl survives. There were all manner of shocking scenes in the film, yet it seemed less focused on the torture than its predecessor. It seems that Eli Roth chose to improve the characterization and the emotional connection with the audience rather than merely boosting the body count.

#9 – The Ring

The premise of The Ring seems kind of dumb. Deathtape: the VHS that Kills. But every time that phone rings after someone watches the tape, my heart pounds like crazy and the movie beats my disbelief into submission. The whole film exudes an atmosphere so thick with despair that it sells the iffy premise and makes every little detail chilling.

I thought the fake-out ending was great, because after a great build-up, it had me believing that it was going to turn out to be another “solve the mystery and find the body so the spirit can rest” type of ghost story. I was extremely disappointed. But everything after the “You  weren ‘t supposed to help her,” line was balls-to-the-wall freaky. The Ring deserves a place on my list simply for how long it made me afraid to walk from one end of my house to the other in the dark.

#8 – Let Me In

Let me just get this out of the way: Yes, I have seen the original, and yes, I prefer the remake, and no, I don’t know what’s wrong with me. When I first watched Let the Right One In, I had been told repeatedly that it was the greatest vampire movie ever, so I was expecting a completely different movie. I thought it was going to be, I don’t know… scary?  It was really good, and I recognized that, but the disconnect between expectation and reality was just a bit jolting, like when you’re expecting water and take a sip of Pepsi.

When I watched the American remake, I knew exactly what to expect, and it didn’t disappoint a bit. I thought Matt Reeves created some great scenes, especially ones involving Elle’s companion, that beat anything in the original. I also thought Chloe Moretz and Kody Smit-McPhee were excellent, living up to the performances of their predecessors admirably.

I’ve written about this one before at LINK, so I won’t say too much more, except that I need to give the original another look, so don’t pile on me too hard y’all.

#7 – High Tension

What I love about High Tension is how after a bare bones, minimal set-up, the full-bore terror begins and doesn’t let up ‘til the credits roll. The violence is spectacular, and even when it’s over-the-top it seems all too real. But forget the violence, Alexandre Aja is a master of suspense.  The scene where Marie is trying to find a place to hide while she can hear the family being murdered elsewhere in the house is nerve-wracking. I felt like I’d run a marathon after 91 minutes of High Tension.

And okay critics, the ending nearly ruins the film. All the momentum comes to a screeching halt as you say, “Wait, that don’t make no sense.” But just go with it. Believe me, you’ll be thinking about this movie for days… and looking for that fucking car (shiver).

#6 – Trick r’ Treat

I’m going to go out on a limb here and boldly state that Trick ‘r Treat kicks Creepshow’s sorry ass. And I’ve loved Creepshow since I was a kid. Admittedly, the thing in the crate could rip Sam into itty bitty bits, but overall Trick ‘r Treat wins the coveted Marvin Award for best horror anthology film ever.

My favorite sequence is the one with the kids staging a cruel prank that goes wonderfully right (well, not for them). It’s got that fun, fog-machine-spooky atmosphere that I’m a total sucker for, and it captures the spirit of Halloween perfectly. This is one movie I know I’ll be watching at least once a year for the rest of my life.

#5 – Shaun of the Dead

Do I even have to explain this one?  Let me hit the high points. Genuinely funny. Genuinely scary. Great love story. Real drama. Check out Bill Nighy’s death scene; it’s absolutely touching. I’ve seen several zombie horror-comedies since this one, but none is as balanced, charming, or emotionally engaging.

#4 – The Descent

 Again, this was such a popular pick that I scarcely feel the need to explain myself. This is one of those films where the location is central to the horror. The only spelunking I’m likely to do is here in the mancave, and I’d have a hard time choosing between exploring caves and driving fishhooks into my gonads as the worse hobby. Which is to say that this movie completely scared the piss out of me well before the cave crawlers shoved their pasty-white snouts into the screen. I actually didn’t know about the cave crawlers in advance, so their appearance was a huge shock to me, and made the film a truly powerful experience. This is one of those movies I buy extra copies of at the pawn shop to give to people who haven’t seen it.

#3 – Session 9

You know what I love most about Session 9? No partying teens at the lake. No frat boys or sorority babes on vacation in a foreign land. It’s a horror movie starring middle aged asbestos removal workers, which I’m sure is why I never heard of it until I starting reading horror blogs. These are honest-to-god characters rather than walking stereotypes.

The best character in the film, however, might just be the location. The abandoned mental hospital they are removing the asbestos from tops my list of all-time creepiest locations in a horror film. It uncannily resembles the location of a recurring nightmare I have where I’m in this huge building, and the deeper I go into it, the more dilapidated it becomes until it is barely even a building, but more of a ruin. The mental hospital in Session 9 goes straight to my subconscious mind and throttles the shot out of it. Every time I watch the movie, without exception, I get convulsive chills before anything creepy even happens, when they’re just getting the tour of the building.

Aside from the building, the scariest part of the film is Jurian Hughes’s performance as the recorded voice of former patient Mary, who suffers from multiple personality disorder. The really freaky thing is, you get the feeling that only two of Mary’s personalities come from her mind. The third, Simon, seems to an entity unto himself, who speaks and acts through Mary.

Session 9 probably tops my list of current movie obsessions. I can’t think of a single flaw in the film. And it’s still only number 3. The last 10 years of horror rule!

#2 – [REC]

I’ve tried not to mention [REC] too much lately, because when I started blogging, I couldn’t shut up about it. I try to get everyone I know to watch it, and no one yet has been disappointed (unless they’re lying to me).  That’s because:

A – It is the most masterful example of POV horror in existence.

B – It is a sincerely frightening zombie/outbreak film, in which the afflicted humans are so vicious that they make Romero zombies look like mildly irritated special ed students.

C – That goddamned thing at the end! Jesus effing Christos!

D – Satan inhabits the actual cellulose of the film, seriously.

I still haven’t the heart to watch the American remake, Quarantine. I like Jennifer Carpenter and all, but when is anyone in the mood to view a mediocre rehash of a classic? That’s right. I declare [REC] to be a classic of the genre. Anyone care to argue the point?

#1 – Martyrs

Watching Martyrs isn’t really much like watching a movie at all. You generally watch a movie to have a good time, maybe talk about it with friends for an hour or so, and move on with your day. Watching Martyrs is more akin to fasting for a week, or pushing your body to the point of exhaustion, or… I don’t know. It’s an experience more than a movie, one that affects a profound change in the viewer’s state of mind. Okay, I may be overselling the thing, but I seriously left this film in a daze, unable to talk about it except to say, “Wow.”

The thing I love most about Martyrs is how it starts out as a solid horror movie, becomes an excruciating horror movie, and ends up becoming a philosophical meditation (without ever becoming boring). I’ve seen lots of angry reviewers online calling Martyrs pseudo-intellectual. Bullshit. They just don’t like to think very deeply. And they are probably covering for the fact that the film disturbed them to the core. It is disturbing, no doubt about that, but if you look with the right frame of mind, you can see the film is actually quite beautiful.

I realize I’ve said virtually nothing specific about Martyrs and what it might be about. Good. This is truly one film where you should approach it knowing as little about it as possible. Just know this: it is not a pleasant viewing experience, it is extremely brutal, and if you think you can handle it, it is one of the best films of the past decade.

So there you have it. Liststravaganza completed. Or is it?

Not quite. Look for a wrap-up post where we do some super-nerdy number crunching and find out which films were the highest rated, which contributors were the most original, and where to find your host, Marvin the Macabre, making his singing debut. Exciting shit, that.

Gratitude

Just a quick note to thank the people who found my site with the search terms, "bat junk" and "bigfoot penis." I'm honored to have been able to provide you with an honest-to-goodness photograph of bat junk. From Disney's Animal Kingdom, no less. But alas, bigfoot penis is more elusive. If I happen upon some bigfoot penis pics, please believe I'll post them posthaste.

Sincerely,
Marvin the Macabre

Top Ten of the Past Ten: The Liststravanganza Rages On!

In the next few days, I'm going to be tallying up the lists to determine which horror films of the past ten years have earned the right to urinate all over the Saw sequels (full disclosure: I haven't actually seen the Saw sequels, but since no one has included them on their list, I figure they're a safe pee-pee target).  I'll also be revealing my own personal list, which will prove to be a wholly anticlimactic affair.

And now, on with the countdown.

Today's first list comes from another high school friend of mine, who we'll be calling "Vetch."

Vetch's Top Ten of the Past Ten:

These are in no particular order (otherwise Frailty would be closer to the top).


1) Drag Me to Hell- Starts with a little kid getting dragged to the warm place. Sold.

2) Shaun of the Dead- The guys don’t realize they’re in a horror movie for the first half hour or so. And a hipster is convincingly torn to pieces.

3) Let the Right One In- The vampire is a monster by necessity, those bastard children do it by choice. We’ll add that public pools and bullies were easily the two worst things from my childhood.

4) 28 days later- It’s refreshing to see a horror protagonist go savagely batshit crazy in order to make it out of a bad situation and save the girl.

5) The Ring- I watched this movie in a pitch black apartment that I shared with no one, then fell asleep to the dvd menu screen. Terrible.

6) [REC]- Frantic running and hiding like in a bad dream. I’d have broken the camera over somebody’s head about 5 seconds after the shit started going down.

7) Teeth- This barely qualifies as horror, but the female lead successfully sells this improbable premise.

8) Frailty- Bill Paxton wears a look of total belief when he says an angel wants him to kill people, and to bring his kids along for the ride.

9) Silent Hill- Despite a ton of flaws, this looked incredible.

10) The Mist- The effects weren’t great, but the people made it easier to believe. The ending was a nice kick in the nuts.


It's about time a vagina dentata movie showed up on this thing. I haven't actually seen Teeth, but I'm stunned that there is no thriving vagina dentata subgenre of horror. Soon we'd have sub-subgenres with giant mutated vaginas that swallow up men whole.  But then, someone like Stephanie Myers would come along and ruin it by having characters with sparkly vaginal teeth that would only bite carrot sticks and corn dogs. But I digress...

Killer picks Vetch. It's also good to see Silent Hill get some love. Agreed about the flaws, but well worth watching just for the guy getting his skin torn of with one tug from Pyramid-Head.

And Frailty is one movie I try to get everyone to watch. It seems like almost no one has heard of it, which is a crime considering how good it is.


Next up we've got a couple of linked lists. The first is a two-for-one special from the immortal Chuck and Noel whose blog, Midnight Cheese, was new to me, but well worth checking out. Here's the link:

http://midnightcheese.blogspot.com/

Chuck's Top Ten of the Past Ten

Something tells me you've got a thing for zombie movies. The past decade has really brought back the genre in a big way, and you've recognized the cream of the crop. The only one I haven't seen is Rammbock, which I'll have to check out now.

Freddy vs. Jason is a guilty pleasure of mine that I throw in whenever I'm in the mood for some good 1980s-style slasher goofiness.

I also didn't know that Trick 'R Treat was supposed to be a yearly release. That would have kicked ass beyond words. Anyone for starting an online petition to at least get a sequel?

Noel's Top Ten of the Past Ten:

Now this is what this project is all about. It's about speading the word about the best of what's new and earn some converts. Plenty of people have come up with films I haven't seen (or even heard of in some cases). I had never heard of Primer, but the premise sounds intriguing and I'll definitely look for it soon.

You're also the first to recognize Hostel. I was pretty amazed when I first started reading horror blogs at how many horror fans despise Eli Roth and dismiss the Hostel movies as "torture-porn." The gore was pretty excruciating, but it was nothing compared to the tension Roth builds. Bottom-line, if you can't do tension, you can't do horror.

All your other picks sucked, though. Joking, only joking. No, I love them all except for The Host, which I haven't seen... yet.


Moving right along, we have another linked post, this time from James Van Fleet of Horror Films 101. Again, I wasn't familiar with his blog, but have since checked it out and was thoroughly impressed.

James Van Fleet's Top Ten of the Past Ten

http://horrorfilms101.blogspot.com/2011/08/feature-ten-best-horror-films-of-2000s.html

Dear James,

Fuck you. Not only did you steal a good number of my picks, you also made your commentary so spot-on and insightful that mine will just be redundant. So thanks for that.

Okay then, Pulse. Haven't seen it. I always try to watch the original foreign versions of films before (or just instead of) their American remakes, but in this case I didn't realize the American version was a remake. Aside from a few crappy CG effects, I thoroughly enjoyed the remake, so I can't wait to see the original (okay, I say that, but my DVD copy has been sitting on my shelf for like 5 months waiting for me to get around to it).

Also good to see Session 9 on your list. A lot of directors talk about the settings of their films as being a character, but in this case, it's really true. It's one of the most effective uses of setting I've ever come across.  I also like your intro. Your enthusiasm for modern horror is apparent, and that's really what I'm trying to do with this Listfest: to get people thinking about how many great horror films have come out in the last decade. And yeah, I could have done a top fifty pretty easily as well.


Alrighty then, one last list to finish off the day. This time it's from a very special guest, Chelle of the infrequently updated blog, Films My Spouse Made Me Watch (full disclosure: she's my spouse, and I made her watch most of these films).

Chelle’s Top Ten of the Past Ten

(In no particular order)

1. Van Helsing

That’s right.  This movie is fun.  Cling to pretention all you like, but life is too dumb to be serious.

2.  Let Me In

You can’t escape love; regardless of what some people think, love is the 5^th element.

3.  Trick ‘r Treat

Sam is adorable, so you better celebrate Halloween proper-like, motherfuckers.

4.  The Orphanage

It’s scary, tragic, and sweet all in one twisty story.  It might be the best horror movie in the last decade.

5.  [Rec]

This is the only movie that ever forced me to sleep with the lights on for two weeks. What the fuck is that thing!

6.  Vanishing on 7^th Street

Hayden isn’t a bad actor, Lucas is just not very good at that directing thingy. And never knowing what the hell is going on actually makes it scarier.

7.  Sean of the Dead

Remember mate, it’s all about fun.

8.  Wind Chill

Ghost stories are my favorite sub genre within horror, and this one is a great love story too.

9.  Nightwatch

Watching moives in Russian is fun; watching awesome moives in Russian is even better.

10.  Darkness

Your most evil relations will always be your kids, but your parents come in a close second.

Movies of Note (because of who is in them mostly)

Day Breakers

Willem Defoe delivers as usual, and I’ve finally come around to Ethan Hawk.

White Noise II

Nathan Fillion and Katee Sackhoff… sigh.

Resident Evil – Extinction

Milla Jovovich, Ali Larter, and Oded Fehr… sigh times three.

You go Chelle! A full half of her list is films that haven't appeared on any of the other lists (mine will have one, if I'm lucky). Lots of horror fans hate on Van Helsing, and I'll admit to being underwhelmed on my first viewing. But Chelle's enthusiasm for it soon won me over and now it's one of those films that I could watch any time. This and Stephen Sommer's Mummy movies are what finally led me to embrace my love for big, dumb summer-blockbuster movies.

I also loved Wind Chill, though I think the horror aspect of the movie is its weakest point. I'm far more interested in the arc of the relationship between the two leads (though I wish the characters had been given names). Emily Blunt starts the movie off as a totally aloof and dismissive beeotch, and still my unyielding love for her was turned up to 11.

Here's the cool thing about my wife: she hates chick flicks and she joins in when I'm going off about how hot this or that actress is. And she'll watch practically anything I force on her. Even if she has no interest in something, I'll just throw it on and wait for her to pass through the room. 4 out of 5 times, she'll watch the whole flick. Sometimes she'll stand through an entire movie. I'll say, "Have a seat," and she'll be like, "No, I'm not really watching this," and then watch until the credits roll. I still have trouble getting her to watch slashers, but I'm working on it.


So there you have it.  If you're planning on submitting a list, try to do it within the next few days, as I'm trying to wrap this up and make a list of the totals. That said, if you come to this post late and want to write your own list, I'll totally post it or link to it, you just won't be included in the final tally.

Stay tuned for more madness...