Friday, April 1, 2011

MMM Blogfest 2011: Lost Boys - The Thirst

I don't want to write too much about this "film," because I'm pretty sure I'll start sobbing uncontrollably. The fascinating thing about the second Lost Boys sequel is how it simultaneously panders to fans of the original and alienates them. It endlessly rehashes lines from the original for "comic" effect, ensuring that only people who know the original fairly well will get the joke. Then it alienates that audience by sucking hardcore. Like Lost Boys - The Tribe, it takes everything about the original and shits on it.

In the original, the vampires are the epitome of cool (well, if you grew up in the 80's). They live in an abandoned hotel that was swallowed up in an earthquake, they ride motorcycles with their chic buttrock hair flapping behind them, and their exude an aura of menace even when they're not vamped out. In the first sequel, The Tribe, the vampires are a bunch of extreme sports-loving Jackass rejects who are more annoying than menacing. In The Thirst, most of them seem to be bondage gear-clad chicks who look like video game characters designed to turn on lonely adolescents. The original boasted the intense, brooding Kiefer Sutherland as the leader of the vampire boys club, who makes his spiky mullet look badass.  The second film casts Sutherland's half-brother Angus as the sensitive, effeminate vampire leader who wants nothing more than to find a vampire BFF. "I wanted to find someone who can challenge me," he lisps, sounding like Butthead when he's trying to hook up with a honey. Meanwhile, the vampire leader in The Thirst, I shit you not, is called DJ-X, a rave-throwing turntablist who hands out vampire blood as a party drug. Lame. Ass. Shit.

I don't want to get too down on Corey Feldman, since he's brought me so much pleasure over the years, so I'll skip the part where I talk about his performance.

The maddening part of this movie is that it comes off as intentionally cheesy, like they weren't even trying to make a good film. And to give credit where credit is due, there are some pretty funny one-liners that actually had me laughing aloud. But for every good line, there were 9 groaningly bad ones. So, please suppress your urge to be a completest and skip this turd.

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