Top Ten of the Past Ten: The Liststravanganza Rages On!

In the next few days, I'm going to be tallying up the lists to determine which horror films of the past ten years have earned the right to urinate all over the Saw sequels (full disclosure: I haven't actually seen the Saw sequels, but since no one has included them on their list, I figure they're a safe pee-pee target).  I'll also be revealing my own personal list, which will prove to be a wholly anticlimactic affair.

And now, on with the countdown.

Today's first list comes from another high school friend of mine, who we'll be calling "Vetch."

Vetch's Top Ten of the Past Ten:

These are in no particular order (otherwise Frailty would be closer to the top).


1) Drag Me to Hell- Starts with a little kid getting dragged to the warm place. Sold.

2) Shaun of the Dead- The guys don’t realize they’re in a horror movie for the first half hour or so. And a hipster is convincingly torn to pieces.

3) Let the Right One In- The vampire is a monster by necessity, those bastard children do it by choice. We’ll add that public pools and bullies were easily the two worst things from my childhood.

4) 28 days later- It’s refreshing to see a horror protagonist go savagely batshit crazy in order to make it out of a bad situation and save the girl.

5) The Ring- I watched this movie in a pitch black apartment that I shared with no one, then fell asleep to the dvd menu screen. Terrible.

6) [REC]- Frantic running and hiding like in a bad dream. I’d have broken the camera over somebody’s head about 5 seconds after the shit started going down.

7) Teeth- This barely qualifies as horror, but the female lead successfully sells this improbable premise.

8) Frailty- Bill Paxton wears a look of total belief when he says an angel wants him to kill people, and to bring his kids along for the ride.

9) Silent Hill- Despite a ton of flaws, this looked incredible.

10) The Mist- The effects weren’t great, but the people made it easier to believe. The ending was a nice kick in the nuts.


It's about time a vagina dentata movie showed up on this thing. I haven't actually seen Teeth, but I'm stunned that there is no thriving vagina dentata subgenre of horror. Soon we'd have sub-subgenres with giant mutated vaginas that swallow up men whole.  But then, someone like Stephanie Myers would come along and ruin it by having characters with sparkly vaginal teeth that would only bite carrot sticks and corn dogs. But I digress...

Killer picks Vetch. It's also good to see Silent Hill get some love. Agreed about the flaws, but well worth watching just for the guy getting his skin torn of with one tug from Pyramid-Head.

And Frailty is one movie I try to get everyone to watch. It seems like almost no one has heard of it, which is a crime considering how good it is.


Next up we've got a couple of linked lists. The first is a two-for-one special from the immortal Chuck and Noel whose blog, Midnight Cheese, was new to me, but well worth checking out. Here's the link:

http://midnightcheese.blogspot.com/

Chuck's Top Ten of the Past Ten

Something tells me you've got a thing for zombie movies. The past decade has really brought back the genre in a big way, and you've recognized the cream of the crop. The only one I haven't seen is Rammbock, which I'll have to check out now.

Freddy vs. Jason is a guilty pleasure of mine that I throw in whenever I'm in the mood for some good 1980s-style slasher goofiness.

I also didn't know that Trick 'R Treat was supposed to be a yearly release. That would have kicked ass beyond words. Anyone for starting an online petition to at least get a sequel?

Noel's Top Ten of the Past Ten:

Now this is what this project is all about. It's about speading the word about the best of what's new and earn some converts. Plenty of people have come up with films I haven't seen (or even heard of in some cases). I had never heard of Primer, but the premise sounds intriguing and I'll definitely look for it soon.

You're also the first to recognize Hostel. I was pretty amazed when I first started reading horror blogs at how many horror fans despise Eli Roth and dismiss the Hostel movies as "torture-porn." The gore was pretty excruciating, but it was nothing compared to the tension Roth builds. Bottom-line, if you can't do tension, you can't do horror.

All your other picks sucked, though. Joking, only joking. No, I love them all except for The Host, which I haven't seen... yet.


Moving right along, we have another linked post, this time from James Van Fleet of Horror Films 101. Again, I wasn't familiar with his blog, but have since checked it out and was thoroughly impressed.

James Van Fleet's Top Ten of the Past Ten

http://horrorfilms101.blogspot.com/2011/08/feature-ten-best-horror-films-of-2000s.html

Dear James,

Fuck you. Not only did you steal a good number of my picks, you also made your commentary so spot-on and insightful that mine will just be redundant. So thanks for that.

Okay then, Pulse. Haven't seen it. I always try to watch the original foreign versions of films before (or just instead of) their American remakes, but in this case I didn't realize the American version was a remake. Aside from a few crappy CG effects, I thoroughly enjoyed the remake, so I can't wait to see the original (okay, I say that, but my DVD copy has been sitting on my shelf for like 5 months waiting for me to get around to it).

Also good to see Session 9 on your list. A lot of directors talk about the settings of their films as being a character, but in this case, it's really true. It's one of the most effective uses of setting I've ever come across.  I also like your intro. Your enthusiasm for modern horror is apparent, and that's really what I'm trying to do with this Listfest: to get people thinking about how many great horror films have come out in the last decade. And yeah, I could have done a top fifty pretty easily as well.


Alrighty then, one last list to finish off the day. This time it's from a very special guest, Chelle of the infrequently updated blog, Films My Spouse Made Me Watch (full disclosure: she's my spouse, and I made her watch most of these films).

Chelle’s Top Ten of the Past Ten

(In no particular order)

1. Van Helsing

That’s right.  This movie is fun.  Cling to pretention all you like, but life is too dumb to be serious.

2.  Let Me In

You can’t escape love; regardless of what some people think, love is the 5^th element.

3.  Trick ‘r Treat

Sam is adorable, so you better celebrate Halloween proper-like, motherfuckers.

4.  The Orphanage

It’s scary, tragic, and sweet all in one twisty story.  It might be the best horror movie in the last decade.

5.  [Rec]

This is the only movie that ever forced me to sleep with the lights on for two weeks. What the fuck is that thing!

6.  Vanishing on 7^th Street

Hayden isn’t a bad actor, Lucas is just not very good at that directing thingy. And never knowing what the hell is going on actually makes it scarier.

7.  Sean of the Dead

Remember mate, it’s all about fun.

8.  Wind Chill

Ghost stories are my favorite sub genre within horror, and this one is a great love story too.

9.  Nightwatch

Watching moives in Russian is fun; watching awesome moives in Russian is even better.

10.  Darkness

Your most evil relations will always be your kids, but your parents come in a close second.

Movies of Note (because of who is in them mostly)

Day Breakers

Willem Defoe delivers as usual, and I’ve finally come around to Ethan Hawk.

White Noise II

Nathan Fillion and Katee Sackhoff… sigh.

Resident Evil – Extinction

Milla Jovovich, Ali Larter, and Oded Fehr… sigh times three.

You go Chelle! A full half of her list is films that haven't appeared on any of the other lists (mine will have one, if I'm lucky). Lots of horror fans hate on Van Helsing, and I'll admit to being underwhelmed on my first viewing. But Chelle's enthusiasm for it soon won me over and now it's one of those films that I could watch any time. This and Stephen Sommer's Mummy movies are what finally led me to embrace my love for big, dumb summer-blockbuster movies.

I also loved Wind Chill, though I think the horror aspect of the movie is its weakest point. I'm far more interested in the arc of the relationship between the two leads (though I wish the characters had been given names). Emily Blunt starts the movie off as a totally aloof and dismissive beeotch, and still my unyielding love for her was turned up to 11.

Here's the cool thing about my wife: she hates chick flicks and she joins in when I'm going off about how hot this or that actress is. And she'll watch practically anything I force on her. Even if she has no interest in something, I'll just throw it on and wait for her to pass through the room. 4 out of 5 times, she'll watch the whole flick. Sometimes she'll stand through an entire movie. I'll say, "Have a seat," and she'll be like, "No, I'm not really watching this," and then watch until the credits roll. I still have trouble getting her to watch slashers, but I'm working on it.


So there you have it.  If you're planning on submitting a list, try to do it within the next few days, as I'm trying to wrap this up and make a list of the totals. That said, if you come to this post late and want to write your own list, I'll totally post it or link to it, you just won't be included in the final tally.

Stay tuned for more madness...

Top 10 of the Past 10: The Continuing

Well color me pleased as shit at the response I'm getting to the Top 10 of the Past 10 Liststravaganza. Y'all are stepping up and showing the love in a big way.

If you've been following this topic, you'll have noticed many bloggers have contributed with posts on their own sites, then added a link to the comments section. I've been adding them to my posts just to make sure they don't get overlooked in the comments section, and so I can comment on their lists. I'll present these bloggers first:

First up is John Bem of I Will Devour Your Content:

John Bems's Top Ten of the Past Ten

http://iwdyc.blogspot.com/2011/08/spelunking-in-montana-mancave-john-bems.html

Lots of surprise picks here. I'm mildly amused every time I see the Zombie Strippers trailer, but have never considered actually watching it. That has all changed now.  John, you and your blog have made a difference.  I'm also delighted to see House of 1,000 Corpses getting some love. It didn't quite make my cut, but I love it to death. I'm kind of surprised that no one else has mentioned Zombieland yet. And Snakes On a Plane? You may have won the prize for oddball pick of the week, my friend. I haven't seen it, but it comes highly recommended by my brother-in-law as a so-bad-its-good classic.


Please give a warm Mancave Massacre welcome to our next Liststravaganza contributor: Queenie Tirone of the endlessly inventive blog, Kweeny Todd:

Queenie Tirone's Top Ten of the Past Ten

http://kweenytodd.blogspot.com/2011/08/response-to-tmmm-ten-best-horror-films.html

More surprises here. In particular I was intrigued by Repo! The Genetic Opera. I've heard mixed things about this one, but a recommend from you means I should probably see it.  I tend to like oddball movies anyway. I'm also intrigued by Dead Girl, which I've heard horrible things about, but always wanted to see for myself. I can't help it, I've been fascinated by necrophilia ever since my best friend in college wrote a binder full of Necro poems including the classic: Pulse-Free Handjob. Then there's Midnight Meat Train, which is based on one of my favorite stomach-turning Clive Barker stories. I thought the adaptation was pretty good, though the over-the-top CG gore effects in the very beginning turned me off. Still, the acting was really good, I liked the story, and the gore got much better and realistic later on. Still, first impressions are hard to shake.

Next up: the mind-blowingly prolific El Miguel of everyone's favorite horror blog - From Midnight with Love:



The Mike's Top Ten of the Past Ten

http://frommidnight.blogspot.com/2011/08/mikes-top-10-favorite-horror-films-of.html

Nice picks, L'Mike. Great to see Coscarelli getting his due. I too completely dug Incident On and Off a Mountain Road. Remember when Mr. Asshole Survivalist was but a wee lad mugging alongside Chevy Chase in Christmas Vacation?  I think his association with that role made him even more effective in this one since it was such a departure. And yes, it was awesome to see a new final girl in the vein of Nancy thompson who's going to take the fight to the psycho, all the while setting MacGuyveresque booby-traps.

I am conflicted about Bubba Ho-Tep though. I thought all the ancient Egyptian spirits stuff was unnecessary.  Bruce Campbell is fricking brilliant as a decrepit Elvis-in-hiding, and Ossie Davis is every inch his equal. I honestly would have preferred a quirky buddy-comedy tinged with moments of raw drama about two deluded old-timers doing their damnedest to break out of the nursing home. Maybe that's just me though...

Moving right along we come to an excellent blogger who I hadn't checked out until she responded to my call for top 10 lists. Andreas from Pussy Goes Grrr has posted a wonderful and insightful list, and promises another from her co-blogger in the coming days. Do check it out:

Andreas's Top 10 of the Past 10

http://mendthiscrack.wordpress.com/2011/08/09/the-past-decade-in-horror-part-1/#comment-2429

Hell yeah Coraline! I didn't even consider that one. Not exactly wet-yourself scary, but creepy as all get-out. Lots of surprises here, including two I've never heard of (The Host and Cache).  Good to see my beloved [REC] getting all kinds of love, as well as the innovative Pontypool and the unbelievably good May. I haven't seen Seed of Chucky yet, though it is waiting on my shelf. Bride was pretty funny. Anyway, some great, original picks here.

Now, you may have already seen this list in the comments, but I wanted to make it more prominent, so here is the top ten from the indefatigable Banned In Queensland:

 Banned in Queensland's Top 10 of the Past 10

10. Eden Lake (2008) – Young punks can be seriously scary dudes and this movie rams home why very effectively.

9. Paranormal Activity (2007) – Proof that things that go bump in the night can still be damn scary.

8. Saw (2004) – It’s easily to forget how awesome the original was given all the crappy sequels, but the original was indeed quite awesome.

7. Skeleton Key, The (2005) – Suspenseful and atmospheric with an absolute cracker of an ending. Definitely needs more love.

6. Descent, The (2005) – Pipped only by Buried as the most claustrophobic movie I’ve endured in recent times.

5. Funny Games (2007) – Gets right under your skin despite its seemingly innocuous elements.

4. Buried (2010) – Easily the best “true life” horror movie made in the past decade.

3. Rec (2007) – Scariest horror movie finale ever.

2. Orphanage, The (2007) – Gorgeous looking film with a suspenseful story and a brilliant ending.

1. Ring, The (2002) – I’m still trying to get the stains out of my undies that resulted after watching this.

Alright, I'm baffled. First, why did I think The Ring was from 2000? But more troubling than that, why is this the first mention of The Ring?  BIQ, I must revise my list because of you. This was one of those rare movies that stuck with me for a month, freaking me out every time I'd turn off the lights at the far end of the house. Great pick.

I haven't checked out Buried yet, and I've heard nothing good (until now) about The Skeleton Key, so now I'll obviously have to give it go. This also marks the first appearence of Eden Lake among these lists, which is a little surprising. A very effective little film, and one that had me fuming with rage throughout. If there's one thing I can't stand, it is disrespectful punk teenagers (check out BIQ's blog for the chronicles of a real-life Eden Lake stand-off). A fine list, and nary a one I can argue against.

And last, but certainly not least, is BROWN! from the If We Made It podcast and the blog This Coleslaw Makes Me Sick. Give him some love, or at the very least, check out his Friday the 13th podcast, in which his band, The Wham Bam Thank You Band, performs a musical tribute to the series. I'm not sure about the title, but the chorus goes: "Bush in the lake, bush in the lake, bush in the lake, and there's a head in the tree." Good shit, that.

BROWN!'s Top 10 of the Past 10

10. 28 Days Later (2002) Danny Boyle directs this great zombie thriller. Stylish, but not overdone, Boyle reinvents the zombie movie.

9. Grindhouse (2007) Tarantino and Rodriguez created one of the greatest theater experiences of recent memory. Trashy and fun homage.

8. Drag Me to Hell (2009) Nobody makes horror movies as fun as Sam Raimi. I was so glad he came back to the genre he owns.

7. Bug (2006) Exorcist director William Friedkin directs this creepy psychological thriller. Not a conventional horror movie, but disturbing none the less.

6. The Orphanage (2007) Juan Antionio Bayona directs this Spanish ghost story. Great story, and fantastic directing. One of the best ghost stories in years.

5. Triangle (2009) I love it when a film sneaks up on you. This movie is nothing like what I expected in a great way. Directed by Christopher Smith. Mysterious and twisted.

4. The Descent (2005) This story of some female cave explorers getting terrorized by cave mutants was the scariest movie of the decade. Directed by Neil Marshall.

3. Piranha 3D (2010) I can't remember having more fun than seeing this in the theaters. Delivers in every way. More gore and nudity than I could ever wish for. A dream come true.

2. House of the Devil (2009) Director Ti West creates this throwback film that looks and feels remarkably like a late 70's early 80's horror movie. West plays it completely straight and succeeds. Truly remarkable.

1. Let the Right One In (2008) Tomas Alfredson directs not only the best horror movie but in my opinion best movie period of the past decade. This Swedish film at it's heart is a tender love story between a 12 year old boy and a forever young female vampire. Unique, horrific and magical.

I can't believe I had to leave out so many films such as Devil's Rejects, Hatchet, The Mist, Freddy vs. Jason, Jason X, Cabin Fever, Slither and on and on. Every decade is a great decade for horror. Can't wait for the next.

Nice picks, man!  I was so glad to see Triangle on someone's list. That movie pulls off an impressive mindfuck, and does so seamlessly. Also great to see Piranha 3D represented. Some horror movies are scary, revolting, and disturbing, while others are just great fun. Top-notch carnage in this one, and what an ending!  Bug also makes its first appearance among the lists. Just watched this one the other day and was impressed by the caliber of the performances. There was something about it that didn't sit quite right with me until I checked out the special features and realized it was initially written and performed as a play. Then I was like, okay, that scene makes sense is that context.

And let me just second the motion, in all caps to indicate that I'm screaming maniacally, EVERY DECADE IS A GREAT DECADE FOR HORROR!!! Except maybe for 1870-1880. That one kind of sucked.

Enigmatic Deezyne Presents: Cartoony Kiefer

Hey y'all,

The Top 10 of the Past 10 Liststravaganza still rages on, and will continue shortly. In the meantime I wanted to note the new page I've added to the blog. Check out the tabs at the top of the page and you'll find one marked Enigmatic Deezyne. This is where I'll be dumping any horror-related illustrations and design projects I've been working on.

I was particularly proud of my cartoony take on Kiefer Sutherland in The Lost Boys, so I turned him into a wine bottle label. Nay, two wine bottle labels. Enjoy.

Ten Best Horror Movies of the Past Ten Years - The First 3 and 7-10ths Lists

I came up with the idea for this Liststravaganza when I first started this blog and personally asked three of my friends to guest blog. I didn't get any responses right away, so I shelved the idea for a little while. Then, earlier this week I was finally getting around to clearing out my inbox and found that I'd actually gotten the first list back in February, but it had been buried in a deluge of junk emails. Then I felt like an ass, so I vowed to post it ASAP, which for me means several days later.

So without further ado, I present the first list by Tucker of This Coleslaw Makes Me Sick and the If We Made It Podcast.

Tucker's Top Ten of the Last Ten:


This list would be different if I compiled the damn thing tomorrow or yesterday or next week. I feel sick leaving off Grindhouse, The House of the Devil, The Last Exorcism, 28 Days Later, Slither and Behind the Mask: The Rise of Leslie Vernon. On other days not only would those films make the list, some of them may find themselves perched on top. I also feel that the order is almost arbitrary. I really love all these movies in different ways. Unfortunately, the parameters of the list allow only ten to represent ten years. I hope I have chosen well. Here goes…

10.  Wrong Turn (2003)

Not exactly a film classic, but endlessly watchable and re-watchable. Lifts many elements directly from the brilliant unproduced screenplay Grossface. Kids get stranded in the backwoods of West Virginia and proceed to be hunted by cannibalistic inbred retards. Y’know, West Virginians. Take that, West Virginia.

9.  The Strangers (2008)

It’s a rarity for a movie to unsettle a jaded horror fan like myself, but this tale of senseless brutality and home invasion did the trick. It is also a rarity in today’s horror films to build to the terror, but this film takes its time establishing an emotional connection with the characters before they are terrorized and murdered by a Manson-inspired team of killers.

8.  The Orphanage aka El Orfanato (2007)

This film sets a great mood and builds incredible tension without a whole lot of bells and whistles. I’m a sucker for creepy kids so this tale of a haunted orphanage for handicapped children really hit the spot.

7.  Let the Right One In (2008)

        

This is a beautiful horror/love story about a bullied kid and his relationship with a young (in appearance at least) vampire girl. A great film that emphasizes character and emotion over cheap thrills.

6.  May (2002)

        

May is a character study about a damaged woman struggling with her inability to find a human connection and the lengths to which she will go to create a companion. In a landscape populated with remakes and sequels director Lucky McKee brings a strikingly original vision to the genre.

5.  Hostel II (2007)

        

Eli Roth’s Hostel films do what great horror always does: projects society’s fears back to us. I chose this film over the original because it truly continues where the first left off and delves even deeper into the ideas set up by the first film. The original relied on our xenophobia to produce terror, but in the sequel Roth deepens the discussion by placing more emphasis on another horror: privileged Americans on the hunt for new thrills.

4.  Freddy Vs. Jason (2003)

        

Jason won. This is a no-brainer for me. Hilarious and gory, and booby, and it almost got me and Levi killed by an African-American weightlifter which is always the mark of a good film. And I don’t care that Freddy still had some twitching nerves after Jason ripped his fucking head off. Jason won. Don’t tell my wife.

3.  The Descent (2005)

        

This movie had me claustrophobic and terrified before it even introduced the cave-dwelling nasties. Had I seen the American version with the stupid-fuck ending originally I may have a slightly different view on this one, but I didn’t.

2.  The Devil’s Rejects (2005)

        

Rob Zombie nailed the sleazy mood of 70s horror with this quasi-sequel to his less successful House of 1000 Corpses. It’s funny and more original than the original, oddly enough. Seeing this on opening night in L.A. with a house full of raving lunatics really added to the experience. I suddenly realized I may be in one of those news stories you hear about where someone gets stabbed at a movie theatre. Great ambiance.

1.  Drag Me To Hell (2008)

           
I’ve revisited this film several times in the last couple years. It never disappoints. Fun, silly, gross without being gory, and most importantly it remembers that a fucking goat demon with hooves and horns can still be frightening. And it has that talking sheep. This is the only talking animal movie I will allow my child to see. Other films on my list are arguably more impressive, but none were quite this much fun.


Thank you Uncle Tucker. All solid picks (though they would have been more solid had Freddy won - I can't argue that he didn't lose, just that he should have won). BTW, Tucker and BROWN!'s most recent podcast discusses the original Fright Night, so check it on out. And BROWN!, I'll expect your list forthwith.

Next up is the inimitable Liam Underwood of All Films Considered, who was the first online responder and whose list I won't post here because it's on his blog, and y'all need to give it some hits. 


Liam Underwood's Top 10 of the Past 10:


Here's the link: http://all-films-considered.blogspot.com/2011/08/in-response-to-montana-mancave-massacre.html


I'm seeing lots of my picks on these lists so far, plus some surprises. The only movie I haven't seen on Liam's list is Wolf Creek, which has been sitting on my shelf for about a year now, silently hating me for passing it over night after night. Soon, Wolf Creek, soon. I promise. And thanks to Liam for the excellent list.
Batting third is an old high school friend of mine who I hadn't heard from in years. Alas, the call of horror is too strong to ignore. Plus she had some time to kill on a train. Since she's shy about using her real name online, we'll call this formidable contributor "She-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named."

She-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named's Top 10 of the Past 10:
In order by year:

1. Land of the Dead (Romero, 2005)

It’s no (original) Dawn of the Dead, but how can you have eyes and a soul and any familiarity at all with Pittsburgh and not love George Romero? In true form, there is wonderfully overt political allegory with Dennis Hopper as a decadent gazillionaire looking down on the other, entrapped, 99..9%. And the zombies have a nascent consciousness and a revolutionary one at that. Viva the Dead! Isn’t it incredible how Romero keeps inventing the genre?

2. Pan’s Labyrinth (Del Toro, 2006)

Fascists are indeed much scarier than monsters with eyes on their hands that eat people. But those monsters are scary as hell too. And, while it may be more fantasy or something, the horrific elements of this movie are what make it compelling and meaningful.

3. The Orphanage (Bayona, 2007)

In the end, I will admit that this movie is much more sad than scary, but up to that point it’s pretty damn scary and it uses things that are admittedly obvious—crawl spaces and whatnot—with jitter-inducing effect.

4. Funny Games (Haneke, 2007)

OK, so this is actually a mean-spirited slasher movie that Michael Haneke made to assault his bourgeois audience who, as my fiancé recently astutely pointed out, probably all have lake houses like the victims in the film.. It is almost totally unlikeable and irredeemable, and, unfortunately, brilliant. In order to play the same joke again, Haneke remade it from German into English pretty much exactly the same way. Just because it’s “art house” doesn’t mean it isn’t a slasher film, and probably one of the most intelligently, and purposefully, immoral ones at that.

5. The Strangers (Bertino, 2008)

This slasher film is wonderfully austere and carefully paced. It also deftly switches genres—from drama to horror—about 20 minutes in without being stupid or assuming its audience is stupid. It’s smart, and has been woefully ignored.

6. Let the Right One In (Alfredsen, 2008)

A smart reinterpretation of the tired vampire trope featuring the hellishness of adolescence, the hellishness of love, the drab beauty of a cold climate in a state with an adequate social safety net, and the hellishness of both aging and staying young forever.

7. Drag Me to Hell (Raimi, 2009)

One of the best, if not the best, American movies of all genres in 2009. The ending particularly defied expectation.

8. Antichrist (Von Trier, 2009)

Admittedly totally ridiculous, but nevertheless scary: An animatronic fox, eating its own entrails, turning to the screen and saying in a death metal guttural, “Chaos reigns!” And as for body horror, I had to keep my eyes closed through about half an hour of it. Lars von Trier is an asshole, but I grudgingly admire this film as a somewhat sociopathic horror-comedy.

9. Splice (Natali, 2009)

Arguably more science fiction that horror (but the same argument would discount The Fly and Alien from the genre) and actually not very scary, but this movie nevertheless blew my mind.

10. We Are What We Are (Grau, 2010)

Probably the best cannibal film, especially one with incestuous overtones, ever made. Discounting Texas Chainsaw Massacre, of course.


Oh She-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named, why don't you have your own horror blog? Excellent list and insightful commentary. Embarrassingly, I've only seen about half the films on her list. What are you trying to do, make me look bad on my own blog?

This just in: my little sis just contributed a list in the comments section of the original post. In case you missed it, I'll repost it here:

Anntastic's Top 7 of the Last 11:

OK, I didn't come up with ten but here is my list:

Although it was made in 2000 I had to add it, American Psycho: This movie didn't actually scare me but I thought it was fracking hilarious! Mainly when Christian Bale is screwing the two women and he's really making love to himself in the mirror ~ Anntastic!

The Descent: After I found out about creepers on Ghost Adventures this movie has scared me! Creepers are the spirits that crawl on all fours and move up walls and on ceilings.

The Hills Have Eyes: I don't want to be stranded in the middle of nowhere with a bunch of inbred Jed's EVER!

Planet Terror: I would actually say this is my husbands pick, he loved the blood.

Shaun of the Dead: OK, this is supposed to be a funny movie but the zombies actually freak me out, I think this is probably my favorite on the list.

Trick R Treat: The whole school bus thing freaked me the f*ck out! Other than that it was good fun.

Paranormal Activity: Nobody else mentions this movie but I had problems sleeping after I watched this movie so it made it on the list.

I have a lot of funny movies on my list because there aren't very many scary movies that really get to me anymore. I will admit I do not watch as many scary movies as my brother, Marvin the Macabre, or my sister so maybe I shouldn't even be making a list, but there it is.


Funny thing about Paranormal Activity - I only thought it was miderately scary while I was watching it, but I couldn't get to sleep for hours that night. It was almost like the movie had conditioned me to be afraid of sleeping - a sort of post-traumatic stress. With Anntastic's list, I've seen nearly every movie on my own list represented. People's got some taste!

That's it for the first installment of Top 10 of the Past 10. Keep those lists coming and I'll keep patting myself on the back for coming up with an audience participation gimmick that actually worked. Oh and my list will follow shortly.

Ten Best Horror Films of the Past Ten Years - Guest Posts Wanted

Hey Spelunkers,

People complain a lot about modern horror's suckiness, but I tend to disagree. There have been stinkers throughout the ages, we just tend to forget the bad stuff and celebrate the classics. I think the here and now is a great time for horror, so I've decided to start a Liststravaganza to celebrate all that is new in our beloved genre.

The best part is that you're all invited to submit your own personal lists. All I need is your top ten and a few sentences (or more if you're long-winded like me) about each film.

When all the lists are in, I'll tally up the totals and tell you all why I'm right and you're wrong.

Sound fun? Then let the lovefest begin!

Weighing in on the Evil Dead Remake

You can hardly blame the horror community for going into a collective tizzy over the announcement of an Evil Dead remake. After all, how many times have we been burned by Platinum Dunes trouncing all over our most sacred genre films? But I, for one, am stoked about this particular remake. It is second only to Hellraiser in my list of low-budget horror flms that deserve a new treatment with modern special effects.

Consider this: how many people would argue that the Star Wars prequels wouldn't have been better off if Lucas had limited himself to a producer role, while turning the reigns over to a new generation of artists with a passion for the material? It seems that Lucas made the prequels solely to appease his fans, rather than out of any burning need to continue the story that made him legendary 20+ years prior. And do I need to mention the fourth Indiana Jones film?

It seems that Sam Raimi has taken a lesson from Lucas and Spielberg and has allowed his original vision to be reinterpreted by those eager to do it. I've seen many calls for him to make another sequel, rather than a remake, but if Raimi had another Evil Dead story to tell, he'd be doing it, right? The fact is, Raimi has new interests, and the prospect of revisiting the work from his youth simply doesn't appeal to him. I'm satisfied that he made the right call, and is allowing for a reinterpretation of his horror classic rather than trying to recapture the magic. And really, what is more disappointing, a remake that doesn't livve up to the original, or a half-hearted sequel that reveals the original creator's disinterest in the material?

I orignally saw the Evil Dead trilogy in reverse order. After a hilarious-looking preview, I made a point to catch Army of Darkness in the its original theatrical run. I didn't even know it was a sequel to anything. I adored it, and when I found out about the Evil Dead movies, I immediately sought them out. My local video store didn't have the original at the time, so I watched Evil Dead 2 next, and fell in love with its mix of goofy slapstick and horror. After a few years, I tracked down the original and was vastly disappointed. It seemed to take itself too seriously in light of the other films, and I chalked it up to a mediocre first attempt.

Years later, I've grown to appreciate the original, especially given its historical context. Few had seen that level of gore before, and while the acting was slightly cheesy, and the special effects were severely dated even a decade ago, I now appreciate the creepiness of the concept, and enjoy the film more every time I watch it. But the prospect of a remake excites me. I see in my mind's eye what the movie could be, if given the proper respect.

A lot of people are up in arms about Diablo Cody's involvement with the project. While I'm not too big on Jennifer's Body, I thought Juno was a fine film. Yes, the dialougue is a bit over-the-top, but coming out of Ellen page's mouth, it makes sense. It's a film about some very intelligent, quirky people, and I think it succeeds admirably. With Jennifer's Body, I thought the dialogue sounded overblown and unnatural, but I've never been certain whether that was a defect in the script, or if it was just beyond Megan Fox's ability to pull it off.

And no, the dialogue is not realistic, but that's kind of the point. The first movie I saw that had completely realistic dialogue was Matty Rich's Straight Outta Brooklyn, which I hated because rather than meaningful dialogue that pushes the plot forward or is entertaining in its own right, it seemed to use dialogue mainly to fill space. People in general are pretty inarticulate, so realistic dialogue must necessarily consist of way too many "ums" and fragmented sentences. One of my best Shakespeare professors used to relate the story of his decision to become a Shakespeare scholar. His father's main objection was that, "people don't talk like that anymore." His response was that people never actually talked like they do in Shakespearean plays. The dialogue is stylized and idealized, and that's the point.

And while Cody's writing style may not seem ideal for a serious remake of The Evil Dead, take comfort that she was brought in merely to "punch up" the dialogue. She didn't write the whole script, and I'm pretty confident that if she goes overboard with too-clever dialogue, it will be corrected by the producers and the director.

Bottom line: Sam Raimi and Bruce Campbell, who made their careers on these films, will be involved, so we're in good hands. Nobody wants to see this movie fail. And for every The Haunting and Prom Night remake out there, there's also a Dawn of the Dead, The Hills Have Eyes, and The Ring. While I'm trying not to get my hopes up too much, if I could pre-order tickets right now, my eight bucks would be spent.

Procrastination

In the immortal words of the mighty Mike Doughty:

"You snooze, you lose. Well I have snossed and lost."

Thursday night I set aside my evening to watch Cold Prey to review for Stacie Ponder's Final Girl Film Club. To my shock and dismay, it had been removed from Netflix Instant Watch. I tried my local video store, but foreign horror is always a long shot, and I came home empty-handed (aside from the 3 clearance DVDs I bought).

So, with regrets I have to announce I am unable to participate in the film club this month. And yes, it's my own fault for procrastinating, but I'd also like to lay some blame on Netflix. Aren't they checking Final Girl to make sure they're not interfering with the film club? I mean, they're just Netflix - this is Stacie flippin' Ponder we're talking about!

Adrian Pasdar in a Bunny Suit: A Review of Home Movie (2008)

Doesn't the title of my post say it all, really? Do you need any more information than "This movie features Adrian Pasdar wearing a bunny suit," before deciding to watch it? But on the off chance that some of my readers have higher standards than I do, I suppose I'll continue with the full review.

Home Movie fits neatly into both the creepy children and the found footage subgenres. The film is supposed to be a family's home movies, which, like most family home videos, are taped mostly during holidays. Adrian Pasdar plays the Lutheran minister patriarch, while his child psychologist wife is played by Cady McCain, who is apparently a soap opera actress whom I've never seen before. This dichotomy comes in handy when their children start behaving strangely - she looks for clinical solutions while he begins to believe demonic forces are involved.

The kids are played by real-life brother and sister Austin and Amber Joy Williams, and let me tell you, they are some creepy bastards. Through the bulk of the film, the children never say a word, despite their parents' best efforts to involve them in family activities. Writer/director Christopher Denham goes out of his way to show you that this family should be perfect. The father is an affectionate goofball constantly mugging for the camera and cracking jokes for the benefit of his distant, scowling children. The mother is even-tempered to a fault, applying punishment when necessary, but never freaking out about the kids' bad behavior. Okay, not never. Not until things start to get really sick. And it does get pretty bad, although it isn't particularly gory, and most of the violence is suggested rather than shown.

Overall, I found the movie pretty dang good. Although it isn't big on scares, it is fascinating. I couldn't look away, even during the boring parts, because I was desperate to know what the kids had in store next. As you can expect, the children's behavior starts out slightly odd, and gets increasingly disturbing until the "Oh holy shit!" ending. Denham handles the build-up very effectively for the most part. The kids are creepy from the get-go, never speaking to their parents, but only to each other in a gibberish language only the two of them understand. Eventually the children do speak, which I consider a mistake, as it robs them of all the mystery that has been built up around them. They just seem like two little kids you could bitchslap into submission. Although having them speak does lead to one super-creepy line: "Let's have a staring contest. I bet you can't stare until our movie is finished." It's at this point you realize that nearly every sick thing they've done, they've saved until their dad had the camera turned on. Even though they haven't been filiming it themselves (at first) they've been making their movie all along.

The found footage format is essential to the story, and overall I found it to be used effectively, as it resembled a lot of the video my family used to shoot back in the day. There were moments when it felt totally unnatural for the characters to be filming themselves, which is the most common mistake in found footage movies, and one of the hardest to avoid. It is a limitation inherent to the subgenre - at some point, when things start to get really dangerous, any sane person would put down the camera and take care of business (or run screaming).

On a personal note, I found this movie very effective in portraying a family struggling to connect. Try as they might, the parents never seem to get through to the kids, and you can see it take its toll as the father begins to drink heavily and the mother struggles to believe that her own kids could be one of her most acute cases of anti-social personality disorder she has ever treated. I've got two kids on the autism spectrum, and while our family life is nothing like the one portrayed in the film, there are moments when you just can't get through to them, and it's like running into a plexiglas wall. So when I think of that feeling amplified by 100, I sort of understand how these parents would feel, and it hit me where it hurts.

Special thanks to my older sister, who I have to thank for my lifeling obsession with horror, for introducing me to this movie. She picked up a copy on a whim and watched it with my other sister, and both are desperate to talk about it with me. I eagerly await that conversation. And yes, I liked it quite a bit.

Also, Adrian Pasdar in a bunny suit.

Warning: Spoilery Discussion Below

For everyone who's already seen the film, I have some things to add. One thing I loved about this movie is how they leave it ambiguous as to whether there are supernatural forces at work, or if these kids are just extremely disturbed. There are a couple of clues to support each reading. First off, while arguing with his wife, Adrian Pasdar reveals that the kids were having problems before they moved into the new house, and that they moved specifically to a remote area because they thought it might help. While he still thinks there are demonic forces in the house, this would refute that idea. However, it is possible that the demonic forces could have followed the children to the new house and then amped up its influences.

Then, when the father performs the exorcism on the house, he opens the closet, flings holy water into it, then closes and latches it. A second later, it is open again. What explanation is there besides supernatural forces? I suppose the fact that the kids suddenly appear in the room right afterward means they could have opened it without him seeing, but it doesn't seem likely to me. Also, the Thanksgiving scene where they simultaneously start throwing silverware and plates on the floor to keep their father from finishing his prayer hints that they are offended by religion much as any hellspawn would be. But nothing is conclusive, and the open-endedness is what makes it so intriguing.

When the kids start behaving well, interacting with their parents and displaying affection, it is unclear whether it was their father's exorcism or their mother's medication that did the trick, but it turns out to be a fake-out (but you knew it would, right?) I mentioned earlier that I would have preferred that the children never spoke in the film, and I stand by that, but in terms of story, it makes sense that they would. They had to act normally to carry out their plan to murder their classmate, Christian (maybe it was the name that did it). Otherwise, they never would have been able to have a friend over. But still, they are considerably less creepy when they open their mouths.

The two scenes that really stood out were the cat crucifixion at Christmas, and of course, the final shot at the dinner table. When they pulled out the knives and forks, it was a great payoff to all the build-up. Their ultimate plan did seem a little complex for ten-year-olds to pull off, but with the help of Satan's minions, I suppose anything is possible. Hey, maybe I'll use that as my email footer:

Dear so-and-so,

Thanks so much for the free screener of your independent film. I'll certainly give it a look and write an unbiased review on my blog. If I don't like it, I'll say so, but if I do, I'll do what I can to help you promote it. And hey, any press is better than no press, right?

Sincerely,
Marvin the Macabre

"With the help of Satan's minions, anything is possible."

The Lycanthrope List - Film's Greatest Werewolves

Of all the classic monsters, I've always been particularly fond of Werewolves. While Young Marvin was still scared shitless of anything resembling supernatural, I always had an affinity for these beasts. Perhaps it was because of my love of animals, particularly dogs, but they just didn't seem as evil as vampires and ghosts.

Right now I'm 10 episodes deep into True Blood Season 3 (I don't get cable, so I've got to wait until the DVDs come out). It's a decent season, but something just doesn't sit right with me about their portrayal of my number one monsters. I think the problem is that they are just white trash dudes who turn into ordinary-looking wolves. The werewolf, as I prefer it, should be halfway between a man and a wolf. While Alan Ball and company give some reason or other for using real wolves for their werewolves, I can't help but suspect the real factor was money. It simply would have cost too much to use CGI, or better yet, some gnarly practical werewolf effects. But the fact is, they're just not very scary.

The sad truth is, True Blood's werewolves would get their asses handed to them by the Goddamned Twilight werewolves. Sure they're fluffy, but at least they're huge.



Wouldja look at that fluffy bastard?

So as a remedy for this, I've compiled this list of my top ten werewolves from all of filmdom. Keep in mind, this isn't a list of the absolute best werewolf movies, but rather the top ten werewolf designs from film.

#10 - Ginger Snaps

Just look at that bad bastard. I figure if I had a good weapon, or at least a big stick, I could fend off an ordinary wolf. But this monster? Say bye-bye to your jugular. This werewolf is not your typical lycanthrope. It is relatively hairless, and you can see its boobies hanging down. Somehow this makes it all the more terrifying.

#9 - The Wolfman

I know, blasphemy, right? Number 9? After all, Jack Pierce's werewolf design defined the beast for generations to come and is still instantly recognizable as one of Universal's most revered monsters. The reason for such a placement is that after decades of werewolves on steroids (going back to An American Werewolf in London), this fella just ain't that scary anymore. Plus, it looks like he's wearing a coonskin cap. Don't get me wrong, the original The Wolfman is one of my all-time favorite films. There's simply so much to love. If that weren't the case, this wolfman may not have made my list at all. But when you consider his predecessor:

...it's clear that Lon Chaney's Wolfman was a huge step forward as far as werewolf design. I'm not trying to bag of Werewolf of London or anything - it's an excellent movie as well, and probably one of the first to portray a werewolf as being a wolf/human hybrid - it's just that werewolves have come so far since then.

#8 - Cursed

I've reviewed this one before, so you'll know that I'm not in love with this movie, but it does have some great werewolf action. In this scene, soul singer Mya is trapped in an elevator with this bad boy intent on making her a tasty treat (and a tasty treat she is). This is probably the only genuinely scary scene in the movie, and probably the one that saved it for me. Well, there's also this scene:



...which cracked my shit up. Okay, so the werewolf looks ridiculous here, but that's really the point, isn't it?

#7 - Underworld Trilogy

Awww, Goddammit! Look at that thing. I don't know about you, but that thing scares the crap out of me. It's too bad that these movies aren't scary in the least. I didn't even like Underworld that much (for some reason, I liked the sequels better). But just look at it. Ewww...

I put the Underworld movies in a class with the Resident Evil movies - basically they're action movies with horror elements. But there's something about werewolves battling vampires that is irresistible to me. However, like True Blood, they tend to favor the vampires as the more intelligent, sophisticated species while the werewolves are no more than brutes. So, Underworld werewolves don't make the top five, not because of inferior design, but because of blatant species-ism.

#6 - The Monster Squad

Monster Squad took a page out of Jack Pierce's book with their elegant werewolf design. He looks like a streamlined version of Larry Talbot, with sharper features that make him wicked scary. The thing about The Monster Squad is that it mixes the ridiculous with the heart-wrenching. Just look at the relationship between Sean's parents - that fight they have just kills me. At the same time there's the classic line, "Creature stole my Twinkie." So too is it for the wolfman. Sure he is temporarily defeated with a swift kick to the nards, and his body parts fly back together after being blown apart with dynamite, but the scene where he's begging to be locked up, and when he thanks Rudy for ending his life, make you feel real compassion for this character.

Plus, nards. 

#5 - Dog Soldiers

The werewolves of Dog Soldiers are tall, mean, lean, and move with the grace of dancers. I don't know quite what it is about the creature design that gets me. Maybe it's how they're so skinny at the waist, but so powerful up top. These bad boys are freaky though. And you can empty an entire HK91 clip into them without them so much as noticing.

#4 - Van Helsing

Van Helsing has always been a guilty pleasure of mine. It's over-acted, terribly convoluted, and little more than an excuse for an epic bout of werewolf vs vampire fisticuffs. But I'm addicted to it. It helps that it is one of the few horror movies I can share with my young sons, and their enthusiasm is contagious. But regardless of the relative merits of the film, I've always dug their pumped-up, gigantic, werewolves on steroids. You'd have the be Van Helsing himself to take down one of these things.

And still they'd manage to bite you. Yep, that's the legendary Van Helsing himself transformed into a lycanthrope and fixin' to kick some Drac-ass-ula. Scream Drac-ass-ula, Scream!



Wheeeeeeeee!!



#3 - An American Werewolf in London

Okay, this isn't an actual screenshot. Give me a break, I don't have it on DVD yet because who is their right mind would sell this film to a pawn shop. As far as I can tell, this is either an actual prop from the film or a replica on display as it should be - as a work of art.

Is any explanation needed  for why An American Werewolf in London is in the top 3? John Landis has never topped this perfect mix of horror and comedy. Rick Baker got famous for this formidable werewolf design, which remains one of the absolutely most terrifying werewolves in film history. I've always liked that his werewolf walked on all fours while remaining fully a supernatural creature rather than an ordinary wolf. I also love how the climactic scene in Piccadilly Circus is iconic enough to keep showing up in other films, particularly in the 2010 version of the Wolfman. Landis also references it in his "Deer Woman" episode of Masters of Horror.

#2 - The Howling 

For my money, the Howling is the most terrifying werewolf movie ever, with some of the all-time best werewolves. They have always reminded me of the Big Bad Wolf, with their tall, pointed ears. These bastards tower above their victims, and Joe Dante films them with a master's sense of space, making you aware of their power and menace like no other. And yes, Dave Allen's stop-motion homage to Ray Harryhausen leaves something to be desired, but by and large, the visual effects are top-notch (for its time). All I know is that when I have nightmares of werewolves, this is what they look like. Well, except for the Dee Wallace Pomeranian werewolf at the end. But Hell, she was supposed to be sympathetic rather than menacing.

#1 - The Wolfman (2010)

What do you mean WTF? Yeah the Anthony Hopkins werewolf is number one. Just look at him. He's both a scary-ass werewolf and Hannibal Lecter rolled into one. What I love is how this design pays homage to Jack Pierce's Wolfman, improves upon it, and is still recognizable as Anthony Hopkins. People accuse Sir Hopkins of phoning in his performance, but they're obviously brain-damaged. I've never seen him have so much damned fun with a role.

Whatever the film's shortcomings (and admittedly, there are many), it gave me everything I wanted to see. Spooky atmosphere, menacing monsters, and an epic showdown between Benicio del Toro and Anthony Hopkins. Add to that the stunning Emily Blunt and the always riveting Hugo Weaving, and what's not to love. I will say that if you caught this in the theater, you need to see the director's cut, if only for the scene where Anthony Hopkins eats an apple. Seriously. He eats an apple and stares at Emily Blunt without ever responding to her questions, and its the best scene of the film. You'll also see Max von Sydow pass the torch, er, wolf's head cane, to the new generation. The one drawback of the director's cut is that you have to suffer through del Toro's portrayal of Hamlet. I love Benicio, but somehow he can't pull off playing an actor. Embarrassing.

But he makes an excellent werewolf, and he earned my respect by making this movie happen through the sheer force of his love for the original. How can you hate on a Universal Monsters fan?

Also, did I mention the gore? I wasn't expecting this movie to be in the least bit gory, but when the werewolf starts tearing shit up at the gypsy camp, the blood flows freely. Your great-grandfather's wolfman this is not.

Honorable Mentions: The Company of Wolves



Okay, I'll be the first to admit that the werewolf design in this movie isn't fantastic. But this image, the wolf snout emerging from a human mouth, has haunted me since I saw the VHS cover when I was a kid. The cover stared at my from the shelf of my local grocery store's video shelf, and I couldn't pass it without staring for a good two minutes. It was years before I'd work up the courage to actually watch this film, and I'd say its probably my favorite werewolf film ever. Then, there's also this guy:

Notice how the eyebrows meet in the middle? A dead giveaway of lycanthropy. This dude is far creepier in his human form, and I love how the teenage girl never lets him get the upper hand, but rather becomes his consort. All-in-all, a beautiful film despite some very dated special effects.

Wolf

Oh shit, did I just dis Jack? While I've always dug his werewolf movie, it's just a tad understated for my taste. It's good - I like it, and it would definitely make my top twelve, but I'm just not blown away by its werewolf design. Hate me if you will.

Teen Wolf

This movie gets a pass purely for nostalgia's sake. And Michael J. Fox has always been one of my favorites. I was raised on this shit, and I'm not turning my back on it now. But seriously, did a werewolf ever look more like a little hairy old man? Even as a kid I thought this werewolf looked dumb. But nilla could play some basketball. Now, don't even get me started on Teen Wolf Too. Jason Bateman's cool, but it was exactly the same movie with boxing rather than basketball. As much as I loved the original as a kid, I think I only sat through the sequel once. And I won't be revisiting that one.

So there you have it. My overblown self-important declaration of the greatest movie werewolves. What did I miss? Any Paul Naschy fans care to lambaste me? Oliver Reid? I still haven't seen Curse of the Werewolf. Anyway, I leave it to you, readers, to tell me how I did. Who's your favorite lycanthrope?